3623.pdf
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9 Game.....
9 Atoned
91&U velieved
9 Gama.
TT Ranganathan Clinical Research Foundation
"TTK Hospital"
IV Main Road, Indira Nagar,
Madras 600 020
Phone: 418361
CONTENTS
My dream world Vs. The reality
I see now
1
2. I have a disease called alcoholism
2
3. I will plan just for today
3
4. My first drink does the damage
4
5. I am powerless only over alcohol
6
6. I am responsible for my drinking
7
7. I will lead a qualitative life
8
8. I will accept whatever I cannot
change, and change those
which I can
9
9. God will protect me
10
10. I will develop patience
12
11.1 will change my old life style
13
12. I will strengthen the relationship
with my children
14
13. I will develop the ability to
manage challenges
16
14. I will use the same yard stick
with which I measure myself
to measure others
17
15. I receive what I give
18
16. I have no right to demand
19
17. I will become selfless
21
18. I will not get hurt by others'
false accusations
22
19. I will not be grandiose any more
23
20. Anger will hinder my recovery
24
21. I realise the need for good friends 26
22. To me, sobriety is like a
beautiful garden
27
1.
Relapse
28
I should stay stopped from drinking 30
I cannot drink even a small quantity
of alcohol
31
26. I will enjoy the pleasures and
happiness of life
32
27. My children only see how I behave 33
28. The priceless gift I have got is
'Today'
34
29. I will be cautious
35
30. I should have perseverance
36
31. I will become disciplined
37
23.
24.
25.
1.
MY DREAM WORLD Vs. THE REALITY
I SEE NOW
I drank for happiness and became
unhappy
I drank for joy and became miserable
I drank for sociability and became
argumentative
I drank for friendship and made enemies
I drank for sleep and woke up disturbed
I drank for strength and felt weak
I drank to feel better, and acquired health
problems
I drank for relaxation and got the shakes
I drank for bravery and became afraid
I drank to make conversation easier and
slurred my speech
I drank for freedom and became a slave
I drank to forget problems and saw them
multiply
I drank to cope with life but what is it that
really happened?
1
2.
I HAVE A DISEASE CALLED
ALCOHOLISM
Before I came to the treatment centre, I
cheated myself saying that I could stop
drinking if only I decided to. I had tried several
times to keep away from drinks. But I was not
able to abstain for long. After some days, I
would lose control and inevitably go back to
compulsive drinking. But at that time, I was
not prepared to ask for help.
During treatment, I learnt quite a few truths
about myself. I understood that like diabetes
or hypertension, compulsive drinking is also a
disease. This disease is called alcoholism. Just
like any other disease, alcoholism can also be
treated.
I am unable to exercise any control over
my drinking. This is not an indication of my
lack of will power. Neither is it an evidence of
wilfulness - a deliberate act to spite others. It
is only a symptom of my disease - the disease
of alcoholism.
I pray to God to give me the wisdom to
totally accept the fact that I am an alcoholic,
and the strength to manage my life without
feeling the need to take alcohol.
2
L
3.
I WILL PLAN JUST FOR TODAY
I feel weighed down and depressed when
I think that I have to stay away from drinks for
the rest of my life. I have tried this so many
times in the past and miserably failed.
I am reminded of a clock that came to
know it had a 2 year guarantee period. In this
period, it would have to strike 6,30,72,000
seconds. The very thought of striking so many
times made it absolutely tired, and so it
stopped. Another clock noticed this and
pointed out that it was happy it had to tick
only once every second.
I learn a lesson from this story. I feel
extremely anxious and afraid if I think that I
should stay away from drinks for the rest of
my life. Will I be able to abstain for such a
long period?
Instead of thinking like this, if I say to
myself: "Just for today, I will not drink-come
what may”, I experience feelings of confidence
- the task seems much easier. So, if I decide
to plan jusr for one day, I will feel comfortable.
I renew this at the start of the next day. If I
find it difficult to execute my plan for 24 hours,
I will plan just for half-a-day. This can be
renewed at the end of 12 hours. If even that
is difficult, I can plan for 1 hour... If that is also
threatening, for ‘just now' - just for this moment.
I pray to God to give me the mental
strength to abstain for today and spend it in
a meaningful manner.
3
4.
MY FIRST DRINK DOES THE DAMAGE
After treatment, do I feel like having a
drink? Do I start drinking again? With that, all
sorts of problems overtake me. This is a fact
that I have learnt from my own experience the fact that I cannot exercise any control
over my drinking. I have tried several times,
but always lost control and inevitably went
back to obsessive drinking.
When a stone comes rolling down a
mountain, it cannot be stopped even if the
mountain wishes to stop it. In the same
manner, once I start drinking a little bit, I will
not be able to stop even if I want to. So far
as I am concerned, sobriety is a treasure which
I have to preserve. What do I lose if I drink?
What do I lose when I lose my sobriety? It is
not just a concept or an idea or a title. When
I lose my sobriety, sooner or later, I will lose
the job I have regained, the family that is now
coming closer to me, the friends I meet again.
These I will lose, if I lose my sobriety - if I
drink.
When I start drinking again, my intention
is to have only one peg; nothing more. But I
am unable to stop with one. One more - one
more small one - I go on and on and end up
with obsessive drinking. It is the first drink
which triggers, immediately or sometime later,
a compulsion to drink more and more, until I
am surrounded by problems. For me, drinking
means nothing but despair. With this
4
awareness, I gain the resolve to drive the
urge away.
Why does the thought of drinking seem
so pleasant when it comes? This is because
I am reminded only of the pleasant episodes
of my early drinking. What must I do? I must
deliberately and consciously remind myself of
what follows my drinking - problems on the
job, strained family relationships, the lack of
love of my children, the pain and misery 1
cause. These are the things I must remind
myself of when I feel like drinking. When I
repeat this exercise, my resolve not to drink is
strengthened, because the thought of drinking
will not be a pleasant thought any more.
I pray to God to give me the wisdom to
totally accept the fact that I am an alcoholic
and keep me from the self-deception that I
can gain control of my drinking again.
5
5.
I AM POWERLESS ONLY OVER
ALCOHOL
Now I realise the fact that I am an
alcoholic. Until I came to the treatment centre,
I was under the wrong impression that I could
exercise my willpower and stop drinking
whenever I wanted. I had changed the places
of drinking, changed the friends with whom I
drank, changed the time of drinking, and also
changed the types of drinks - all with the
purpose of exercising control over my drinking.
But whatever changes I made, I could not
succeed in exercising control. I would start
with the intention of drinking a little bit, but
would inevitably end in excessive drinking.
I am unable to stay away from alcohol. I
am unable to exercise control over my drinking.
Does it mean that I do not have will power?
Definitely not. I am powerless only over alcohol.
I cannot stop with a little bit of drinking. But in
all other areas of my life, I can exercise my
will power and achieve quite a lot. I can get
back and excel in the job which I have lost, by
exercising my will power. I can renew all the
relationships that are strained by using my
will power. I can lead a meaningful life with
the use of my will power. If I have to achieve
all these things, what is it that I should do? I
have to do only one thing. I should decide not
to take even a drop of alcohol, and at the
same time work hard to make improvements
in the quality of my life. I am sure God will be
on my side when I strive to make positive
changes in my life.
6
I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR MY
DRINKING
During my drinking days, I would always
justify my drinking with ease.
"My wife doesn’t respect me. That is why
I am drinking."
"My parents are too strict. They are
responsible for my drinking."
"My boss is too inconsiderate. He
mercilessly extracts work from me. I drink just
to calm my nerves."
6.
Whenever I drank, I held others
responsible. I blamed people, places,
surroundings, situations, the way I was born,
the way I was brought up, and so on. I would
justify my drinking by pointing my finger at
one of these. Only now when I have stopped
drinking, do I realise the fact that drinking
cannot solve my problems. Whenever I pointed
my finger at someone, the other three fingers
were pointing at me. At that time, I was not
prepared to see any of my shortcomings. But
now I am able to see both my strengths and
my limitations. When I do that, I realise that I
alone am responsible for my drinking.
I pray to God to give me the wisdom to
take responsibility for my actions and not
blame others for my .shortcomings.
7
7.
I WILL LEAD A QUALITATIVE LIFE
After coming to the treatment centre, I
have become aware of the fact that sobriety
is an invaluable treasure which I have to
protect. Achieving sobriety is like building a
house. How do we start building? We make a
big, thick concrete slab on which we can erect
the house. That foundation to me, is the
equivalent of stopping drinking. But the
concrete slab, unprotected and exposed to
the heat, cold, wind and rain cannot become
a house. I have to build a roof and some
rooms to make it habitable. In the same
manner, abstinence alone cannot make
recovery complete. I have to make conscious
efforts to make improvements in my family/
social relationships, in my job, my attitude and
my behaviour. It is my duty to get back
whatever I have lost so that this new life
becomes meaningful.
Now that I am leading a sober life, I pray
to God to give me the strength and ability to
make positive changes in various areas of my
life, so that my life becomes productive and
worthwhile.
8
8. I WILL ACCEPT WHATEVER
I CANNOT CHANGE, AND CHANGE
THOSE WHICH I CAN
"God, grant me the serenity to accept
The things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference."
There are certain things in my life which
I cannot change. I cannot change the family
in which I was born, the parents who are
responsible for my very existence, the events
that have happened, and the fact that I am an
alcoholic. These are things that have already
happened. There is no point in clinging to the
past and mourning over it. I should 'let go’ of
these things, by accepting whatever has
happened.
On the other hand, there are quite a few
things in my life which I can change. I can
change my attitude and behaviour. I can
strengthen the relationship with my wife. I can
regain the respect and affection of my children.
I can make the effort needed to get back the
job which I have lost.
It is not all that easy to find out the subtle
difference between the things I can change
and the things over which I have no control.
I am sure God will give me the wisdom to
differentiate between the two.
9
9.GOD WILL PROTECT ME
During my drinking days, I did not have
any faith in the power of God. I thought that
I would be able to handle all my problems
alone. What was the result? - endless worry,
fear, anger, hatred and guilt. I did not know
how to handle these emotions. So what did I
do? I numbed my feelings by drinking and
again inevitably got caught in a multitude of
problems. Alcohol never gave me the strength
to face problems.
I learnt the truth only after I came to the
treatment centre. I realised I needed a real
power to support me. I understood that without
that support, I will not be able to carry on. I
started believing in the strength of the Higher
Power, of God. I felt the benefits derived from
prayer and meditation.
Now I realise that God is a Power which
can be compared to electricity. When I enter
a dark room, I simply switch on the light. I
never stop to find out how the light burns or
how electricity works. It is there for me to use,
and I simply use it. Similarly, God is a Higher
Power which is available to me that I can
make use of. There is no need to question
the existence or whereabouts of God.
10
When I totally surrender to this Higher
Power, I get over the hurt feelings of the past.
I also gain the strength to manage the feelings
of anger, hatred, jealousy and grief which may
bother me in the future. This Power is like a
stream found in a desert. I have now got a
hold to cling on to - a real power which leads
me through the paths of life.
11
10. I WILL DEVELOP PATIENCE
A few children went to a garden, sowed
some seeds and enthusiastically poured water.
They were so happy that they could not even
sleep that night. At day break, they came
running to the garden, expecting the seeds to
have grown and blossomed. When they saw
no flowers, not even a single plant, they were
thoroughly disappointed, totally sad. They went
back home in frustration, and never came back
to the garden. As there was nobody to water
the seeds, the seeds perished.
This story brings home the truth that we
will only be disappointed if we impatiently
expect things to happen immediately. Many
times, even if we have done our best, we may
not be able to see the result immediately. For
instance, we may not be able to get back our
jobs for quite some time. Our wives may not
be prepared to come back and join us at once.
Also it may take some time for us to pay back
our debts.
So, if we are under the impression that
all our problems will get solved immediately
and that we would be able to lead a happy,
problem-free life all at once, we will be
disappointed. We have to build our new life
brick by brick, and this requires a lot of
patience and perseverance.
12
I
11.1 WILL CHANGE MY O’.D LIFE STYLE
What should I do to make abstinence
possible?Initially I should change my old
routine and my old life style. During the initial
stages of abstinence, I should avoid people,
places and events associated with
drinking.When we plant a small seedling, we
erect a fence around it. Why do we do this?
This is to protect the tender plant from cows
and goats. But when the same plant grows
into a tree, it does not require the fence any
more. By now it would have reached a size
which cannot be affected by cattle. Moreover,
the same goats and cows which were a threat
to the plant, now come and take shelter under
the shade of the tree. During the initial stages
of abstinence, I, like the tender plant, also
require a fence - a fence to protect me from
going back to drinking again. I should protect
myself by avoiding places, people, events, and
situations connected with drinking. After some
time - may be after two or three years of
sobriety or even sooner, I would have started
enjoying the alcohol-free life. At that time, the
fence would not be required for me. I would
by then have got the mental strength and
courage to offer help to other alcoholics whom
I had avoided during the initial stages of
abstinence.
13
12. I WILL STRENGTHEN THE
RELATIONSHIP WITH MY CHILDREN
A frog living in a pond was an ardent
devotee of Lord Rama. Whenever he had any
problem, he would pray to Rama and totally
surrender to Him. Once, Rama himself
accidentally came to the pond. He wanted to
wash his feet and got into the pond.
Unknowingly, he pressed the frog with his bow.
The frog was struggling in pain but did not
open its mouth. Rama bent down and when
he saw the suffering frog, he was shocked.
He felt very sorry for the frog and asked, “Why
didn’t you tell me that I was hurting you? Ah!
why did you suffer like this?”
The frog replied, “Whenever I have a
problem, I call you for help. Now that your
own bow hurt me, I didn't know whom to
approach for help.”
The state of my children has been like
that of this frog. During my drinking days, how
many times have I shouted unncessarily at
my children? Have I ever shared their
happiness, listened to their problems, pain or
sorrow? Have I atleast once enquired whether
they had their lunch or dinner? Have I
respected their feelings, cared about their well
being? Never. They had longed for love and
were utterly disappointed. The only feeling they
had was fear.... fear.... fear. They did not know
to whom to turn for help.
14
I became aware of my duties only after I
stopped drinking. Now I realise that it is my
duty to take care of my children. The bridge
between me and my children is getting
strengthened. My children who were hiding
themselves in shame, now come and share
their feelings with me. I am willing to listen to
what they say. I have got back the treasure
which I was about to lose. I will spend the rest
of my life in strengthening this relationship.
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13.
I WILL DEVELOP THE ABILITY TO
MANAGE CHALLENGES
Why do these things happen to me and
to me alone?
Why am I alone an alcoholic?
What did I do? Why am I alone suffering
like this?
Why is my family behaving like this?
I had often been questioning myself and
indulging in self-pity. Later on I became aware
of the fact that these ‘whys’ only led to clever
explanations and rationalisations of what I did
or how I was. The question for me is not ‘why’
but ‘how’.
The 'how' gives me a deeper
understanding of myself.
How am I going to recover from
alcoholism?
How am I going to find a suitable job?
How am I going to strengthen my
relationship with children?
Why’ is irrelevant. Learning 'how' to live
is essential.
I may be required to face problems and
hardships in my life. I have to take each one
of them as a challenge and not get bewildered.
When I manage problems, I also become
aware of my strengths and positive qualities.
I am able to face life with courage, making it
meaningful and productive.
16
14. I WILL USE THE SAME YARD STICK
WITH WHICH I MEASURE MYSELF TO
MEASURE OTHERS
During my drinking days, I used to
constantly find fault with others.
If my wife achieves what she wants to,
she is obstinate.
If I do the same thing, I am capable.
If she doesn't like my friends, she is
prejudiced.
If I don't approve of her friends, I am
discriminating.
If I hesitate to spend money, I am thrifty.
If she does so, she is stingy.
If she spends money, she is a spendthrift.
If I do so, I am generous.
If she scolds the children, she is irritable
and angry.
If I do that, I am disciplining them.
If she doesn’t 'let go’, she is stubborn.
If I behave in the same manner, it is an
indication of my will power.
If she works slowly, she is dull.
If I take time to complete a job, I am
thorough.
Now I realise that even though we were
behaving in the same manner, my perception
of her was different. Hereafter I will use the
same yard stick with which I measure myself,
to measure her also.
17
15.
I RECEIVE WHAT I GIVE
A little boy, not familiar with the echo,
went to a forest. He thought he heard the
voice of another boy not very far off.He
shouted, “Hello, there!’’ and the voice shouted
back, “Hello, there!"
He cried at the top of his voice - "You are
a mean fellow!”, and the cry came back, “You
are a mean fellow!" The boy got upset, went
home and told his mother that there was a
bad boy in the woods. The mother understood
that it was an echo, and said, “Ramu! speak
kindly to him, and he will also be kind to you!”
The little boy went back to the woods
and shouted, “You are a good boy!” Out came
the echoing reply, “You are a good boy!””l
love you" - he shouted happily.”l love you” replied the faithful echo.
The story of echo is exactly the story of
our lives. What we see in others, is only a
reflection of what is within ourselves. If we
show love and affection to others, we will
automatically get back their love and affection.
When my mind is filled with positive thoughts,
negative feelings do not bother me. I pray to
God to help me develop the nature to be kind
and considerate to others.
18
16.
I HAVE NO RIGHT TO DEMAND
Now that I am recovering from alcoholism,
there is nothing wrong if I expect to enjoy life
or if I expect my family members to treat me
with respect. But problems arise once my
expectations turn into demands.
As soon as I stopped drinking, I wanted
my family members to show respect, care and
concern for me. I got irritated if they did not
listen to me. I became resentful.
I learnt several truths only after coming
to the treatment centre. In life, the husband
and wife should equally share responsibilities.
Life can be compared to a weighing scale.
When we got married, we shared
responsibilities. The two scales of the balance
carried equal responsibilities. But what
happened later on? I started drinking
excessively and stopped doing any duty. The
result was that she was forced to shoulder
more and more responsibilities and her scale
weighed down. Not only did I fail to do my
duties, I also held her responsible for not
carrying out my responsibilities. I continuously
found fault with her.
All along, I had not respected others’
feelings; not lived up to their expectations.
After leading such an irresponsible life for so
long, is it justified if I want others to change
19
immediately and do whatever I want them to?
Instead of demanding from others, I should
focus my attention on myself and start thinking
about what I can do. It may take some time
for others to renew their trust in me. I must be
patient.
I pray to God to give me the courage to
take up responsibilities and carry them out to
the best of my abilities.
20
17.
I WILL BECOME SELFLESS
During my drinking days, I was thoroughly
selfish. My only concern was myself. I would
wake up in the morning with a hangover, and
my only thought would be about how terrible
I felt and what I could do to make myself feel
better. I could not see beyond myself and my
need for another drink.
Now I have become aware of the
happiness associated with the life lived for
others. I am reminded of a story. A male and
a female elephant got stranded in a desert
and were feeling thirsty. They found some
water in a small pond nearby. When the female
elephant saw this, she requested the male
elephant to drink the water. But the male
elephant asked the female to quench her thirst
first. Finally they decided to go to the pond
and share the water between themselves.
They put their trunks inside the pond. But the
level of water did not go down. Why? The
female elephant waited for the male elephant
to drink, whereas the male elephant waited
for the female. This is meaningful life. The
happiness of life lies in sharing, in sacrificing
and in giving up for others.
A selfless life of service is the finest life
I can live. I pray to God to make it possible
for me to give up my selfishness and develop
an attitude of being helpful to others. I am
sure He will help me to look out beyond my
own self and live a meaningful life for the
sake of my family and friends.
21
18.
I WILL NOT GET HURT BY OTHERS'
FALSE ACCUSATIONS
Even after I stop drinking, I may be
required to face frustrating situations. My family
members may become suspicious and treat
me as if I were still drinking. They may irritate
me. For example, if they find some cash
missing, they may suspect me. How do I
handle these situations? Can I go back to
drinking and rationalise my behaviour using
such situations as alibis? No! certainly not.
My life is totally in my hands and I have the
full authority to make the best use of it. Others
can’t ruin my life.
A wandering saint was going along with
his disciples. In one of the houses, a lady
abused him. The saint walked away without
uttering a single word. His disciples got irritated
and they told him that he should have shouted
back. The saint replied, “If somebody gives
you an article, it will belong to you only if you
accept it. If you don’t accept, it will remain
with the person who gives it. In the same
manner, the lady's abuse did not belong to
me and that is the reason why I didn't accept
it. If I had shouted back, it would only have
meant that I have accepted it."
Now I realise that if others 'pick on' me
for no reason, I need not feel hurt about those
words. I pray to God to give me the capacity
not to react to false criticism. I will just ignore
them.
22
19.
I WILL NOT BE GRANDIOSE ANYMORE
During my drinking days, I had exhibited
grandiose behaviour. My wife would have been
struggling without the money necessary to buy
daily provisions. I would not bother about this,
but would spend money on buying drinks for
my friend. On the verge of losing my job, I
would boast that the office would not function
without me. My son would be suffering from
fever. I would not take him to the doctor;
instead, I would spend that time buying sweets
for my friend's child. All along, I had been
deceiving myself that I was a generous person,
with a lot of love and affection for others.
I began to understand myself only after
coming to the treatment centre. My actions
were not the result of love, not the result of
sympathy, but only an expression of my
grandiosity. I was trying to project myself as
a capable person, whereas I had been feeling
inadequate inside. What am I going to do in
my new life? I will have an honest look at
myself and try to change in areas which need
improvement, instead of putting on a facade.
I pray to God to give me the ability and
courage to shed my grandiose behaviour and
replace it by love and respect for others.
23
20.
ANGER WILL HINDER MY RECOVERY
During my drinking days, 1 had been an
extremely angry person. I would expect
everything to happen the way I want and in
the time scale in which I want. If it didn't
happen, I would get angry and irritated. I would
never stop to think whether my anger was
realistic. At times, I had suppressed my anger
and became totally silent. I would not open
my mouth even though 1 was not calm inside.
Every pressure cooker has a safety valve.
What is the role of this valve? It releases
excess pressure accumulated inside the
cooker. If that valve does not function, the
release of excessive pressure will not happen,
as a result of which the cooker will burst. In
the same manner, whenever I tried to
suppress anger, I used to 'burst' and show it
unnecessarily on people who had nothing to
do with it. My anger repeatedly got misplaced
and meaningful relationships became sour.
Even after I had stopped drinking, I
continued to be angry and irritable. I was under
the wrong impression that I had made a
sacrifice by abstaining and so I was not
prepared either to give up anger or to stop for
a moment and think whether my anger was
realistic or not.
After coming to the treatment centre, I
came to understand that anger is a strong
impediment to recovery. Whenever I got angry,
24
I stopped to think whether my anger was
realistic. If I felt it was realistic, I would
communicate the reason for my anger to the
person with whom I was angry. I started doing
things which gave me relaxation and peace of
mind. Once I followed this pattern, my
relationship with others got strengthened, and
I acquired peace of mind.
25
21.
I REALISE THE NEED FOR
GOOD FRIENDS
During my drinking days, I was surrounded
by many people. Now I realise that those
whom I thought were my real friends, were
nothing but drinking companions. There was
no deep relationship between them and me.
Actually alcohol was only separating me from
my good friends.
Now I have stopped drinking. I have got
rhe real friendship of A.A. members who lead
sober lives. Their friendship is very valuable
to me. I come to understand many truths when
I share my experiences and problems with
them. When I listen to them, I get a lot of
clarity in my thinking. I am also able to handle
my problems in a calm manner.
I am reminded of a story when I think
about the friendship of A.A. members. A father
tied several sticks together and asked his sons
to break the bundle. Each one of them tried,
but could not do it. The father untied the
bundle and asked them to break. It was easy
to break them one by one. What do I learn
from this story? It is easier to achieve together
in a group what you cannot achieve alone.
For me, it is safer to be in a group. There is
a power in the friendship of A.A. members.
There is security in it. My very life rests on
this fellowship. I pray to God to give me the
strength to cherish and protect this invaluable
gift which I have got.
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22.
TO ME, SOBRIETY IS LIKE A
BEAUTIFUL GARDEN
I will be disappointed if I expect everything
in my life to change for the better as soon as
I stop drinking. This change will take place
only slowly.
My life can be compared to a garden.
Because of my actions during my drinking
days, a patch of the garden is overgrown with
weeds. Now during abstinence, I have been
given the gift of new seeds. I have to use
them and help the plants to grow. I have to
remove the weeds, sow the new seeds, put
manure, pour water, and patiently wait for the
plants to grow. If I pluck them up every day
to see how they have grown, they will die. I
need to give them time. It is the same with my
sober life. If I want my life to become
meaningful, I should strive to make positive
changes. I will deal with my resentments and
anger as with weeds, and will pluck them out
when they are small so that they don’t take
root and grow. I will make use of the manure
of patience, selflessness and taking up
responsibilities. The water of hard work and
perseverance will help in the growth of my
sobriety. When I do this, I will regain all that
I have lost - the love of my children, the
relationship with my wife, my standing in
society. In short, my life will turn into a beautiful
garden.
27
RELAPSE
23.
After treatment, I started drinking again.
Was it an action which had happened beyond
my control? No. Even before I started drinking,
there were many warning signs which indicated
that I was going to get back to drinking. I was
aware of them and still did not take the
necessary steps to prevent a relapse.
What happened before I started drinking?
Initially my thoughts went out of control, “1
have abstained for so long. Why not have a
glass of beer?" I did not even feel guilty when
such thoughts entered my mind. “I haven't
done anything wrong. I have not started
drinking after all" - I used to convince myself.
In this manner, I was actually allowing my
negative thoughts to grow.
What happened after that? I started going
to places and meeting friends associated with
drinking. I entered the bar. I would not drink
alcohol, but take soda or fruit juice inside the
bar. Whenever I did this, I convinced myself
that I had the willpower to stay away from
drinking. Many a time, I had sarcastically told
my wife that I was going to start drinking again.
What did such situations lead to? I found
myself drinking again. I would start with the
intention of having only one peg. I would start
with one, but would not be able to stop, and
inevitably end up with obsessive drinking along
with all the associated problems.
28
After these experiences, I have realised
the inevitable truth. Whenever the thought of
drinking enters my mind, I should pluck out
those thoughts without letting them take root.
If I do not take action immediately, such
thoughts will grow into a big poisonous tree
and after that, removing them will become a
very difficult process. I pray to God to help me
identify the warning signs and give me the
mental strength to abstain from drinking.
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24.
I SHOULD STAY STOPPED
FROM DRINKING
I had tried several times to stop drinking
on my own. When I was going on a pilgrimage,
I had abstained for 40 days. Once I had
promised in the name of my son and did not
drink for 15 days. When one of our relatives
got married, I had abstained continuously for
a week. During those days, I had not been
drinking but did not bother to take any efforts
to make improvements in my life style.
I considered my abstinence to be a major
sacrifice. So I was constantly getting irritated
with others. Whenever others did not respond
to my demands, I used to get angry and shout
at them.
I expected others to be at my service; but
I never considered anything as my duty. I did
not feel the need to rectify my defects like
anger,
grandiosity,
selfishness
or
irresponsibility.
Now after treatment, I am aware of the
truth. It is not enough if I merely stop drinking.
In order to stay stopped, I have to change my
attitude and behaviour. Only when I make
changes and improve the quality of life, I will
be able to stay stopped from drinking.
I pray to God to give me the mental
strength to change my personality defects, my
behavioural patterns and the way I look at
others, so that my life becomes meaningful.
30
25.
I CANNOT DRINK EVEN A SMALL
QUANTITY OF ALCOHOL
Before I came for treatment, I thought I
could become a social drinker. Now I realise
it is not possible. I have now understood that
I have a disease called alcoholism. I will not
be able to take even a small quantity of alcohol
throughout my life.
No matter how my life changes, I cannot
drink-. It is like getting wet in the rain. If I am
in the rain, I can stand, sit, lie down, walk or
even run. I will still get wet. In the same
manner, I may change the time of drinking or
type of drinks. But whatever changes I make,
so long as it is alcohol that I am taking, I will
not be able to exercise any control over my
drinking. If I start drinking a little bit, that will
inevitably lead to uncontrolled drinking and to
all the associated problems as well.
For a person who is in the rain, the only
way to avoid getting drenched, is to take
shelter. Totally staying away from alcohol is
the only thing which will provide shelter for
me.
I pray to God to give me the wisdom to
totally accept the fact that for me there is no
other way except total abstinence.
26.
I WILL ENJOY THE PLEASURES AND
HAPPINESS OF LIFE
Looking back, during my drinking days, I
had made a mess of my life. I thought I could
bcome happy and enjoy life through drinking.
The more I relied on alcohol, the more
happiness eluded me. Finally only pain and
problems remained.
Now I realise that sobriety is a journey of
joyful discovery. Each day brings new
experiences, new awareness, greater hope,
deeper faith and wholesome joy. I am able to
see the beauty and goodness of the world. I
have become aware of 'small' pleasures. I am
able to enjoy the food I eat. I derive satisfaction
when I spend time with my wife and children.
1 am able to see beauty hidden in the smile
of kids. I am able to walk on the road without
a sense of shame. I even save a little bit of
money at the end of every month. I am able
to enjoy all the pleasures, which I had not
seen so far.
I am grateful to God for having given me
the wisdom and ability to enjoy the daily
pleasures of sober life.
32
27.
MY CHILDREN ONLY SEE HOW I
BEHAVE
A shopkeeper had sold two of his parrots
to two different customers. After a month, he
happened to go past the houses of both these
customers. When he was walking along the
first customer's house, he heard the parrot
saying, “Please come in, please do come in."
The shopkeeper was very happy. When
he came near the second customer’s house,
he was shocked when that parrot shouted,
“Kill him, shoot him!" The shopkeeper was
surprised. “I sold both the parrots on the same
day! Both are of the same kind. Now why is
it that one is very warm and the other is rude?"
He thought for a while and suddenly got the
answer. The first customer is a very warm
and hospitable person and so his parrot is
also very kind and loving. The second
customer plays the role of a villain in dramas
and therefore, the parrot which has seen him
rehearse, has taken the villain as its model.
What do I learn from this story? My
children are also like these parrots. They will
take me as their role model and follow my
behaviour. If I am an angry, irresponsible,
selfish person, my children will also develop
the same qualities. On the other hand, if I am
a kind person, willing to take up responsibilities
and respect the feelings of others, my children
will also grow up with those positive qualities.
So, I should behave in the same manner in
which I want my children to behave.
33
28.
THE PRICELESS GIFT I HAVE GOT IS
'TODAY'
God has given me 'today'. I realise that it
is an invaluable gift. I can make improvements
in life and get peace and happiness out of it,
if only I am able to use every bit of today in
a meaningful manner.
I will not waste my time in mourning over
the past. The past is gone. Whatever has
happened, has happened. There is no use
thinking about what is past and cannot be
changed. At the same time, I will not spend
my time worrying about the future either. If I
think of the future, I will only feel worried
because it will appear to be an endless, lonely
path. The future with all its uncertainties will
only lead to fear and sorrow. Instead of thinking
about the past or worrying about the future, I
will plan just for today. My future will become
meaningful if I plan my day properly and start
executing my plans.
I will thank God for this beautiful day. I
will remind myself that I will not drink alcohol
this day, whatever be the circumstances or
temptations. I will make a meaningful plan for
today and carry it out without hurry or agitation.
My plan will include my obligations to my work,
family and society as a responsible human
being. I will find happiness when I fulfil my
duties to my own satisfaction.
34
29.
I WILL BE CAUTIOUS
What did they repeatedly tell us ’at the
treatment centre? “During the initial stages of
abstinence, it is important to avoid people and
places connected with drinking. You should
also consciously avoid thoughts connected
with drinking.” Did I listen to what they said?
Everytime I heard them say this, my answer
would be, “I have the willpower to abstain. I
can stop drinking if I want to.”
But what happened as a result?
Whenever I went to see old friends or visited
places connected with drinking, I inevitably
started drinking again. Eventually I would lose
control and feel guilty. In order to escape from
the guilt, I would drink more and more.
Now I have learnt a lesson. Alcohol has
got a hold on me. I am like a pin which is near
a powerful magnet. As long as I am within the
force of the magnet, I will be drawn closer to
it. So whenever I had tried to establish my
willpower by drawing close to the people or
places connected with drinking, I could not
resist the temptation. When a snail perceives
any danger, it protects itself by drawing its
body inside the shell. Like the snail, I will also
protect myself during the initial stages of
abstinence by not exposing myself to the old
routine. I pray to God to give me the mental
ability to avoid things associated with drinking.
35
30.
I SHOULD HAVE PERSEVERANCE
During the initial stages of abstinence, I
had to face lots of problems. I felt I was
climbing a mountain. I was climbing to reach
the light on top called sobriety. There were
several occasions when I felt that I would slip
down and fall. In other words, I would think of
going back to drinking again - “I have struggled
for so long, so why not give up this fight and
go back to drinking?" When people climb
mountains, they make use of foot holds to
protect themselves from the slippery slopes.
In the same manner, whenever the thought of
drinking came to my mind, I would cling to
somebody and ask for his help. That person
might be an A.A. member, a sponsor, or it
could even be the faith I had in the Higher
Power. They had always shown me the right
path. They had warned me about the pitfalls.
Their help had always saved me from slipping,
and taught me the benefits of perseverance.
I have seen the spider weaving its web.
Even if we destroy the web, the spider does
not stop weaving. It continues to weave without
losing patience. Like the spider, I have to
develop patience and perseverance to make
my life meaningful.
36
31.
I WILL BECOME DISCIPLINED
During my drinking days, I had never done
anything in a disciplined manner. The time I
went to bed, the time I had my food, the time
I went for work - there was no discipline in
any of these. I had never attached importance
to doing things properly. It was very difficult
for me to follow any routine in a disciplined
manner.
Even small insects teach me valuable
truths. I see ants filing past in a straight line.
I try to disturb them. But whatever I do, they
get back to the same line. When I see this, I
start thinking. When such small insects can
be so very disciplined, why can’t I?
Now that I have given up drinking, I realise
the importance of discipline and control.
Discipline applies to my thoughts. Now I feel
the need to exercise control over the thoughts
associated with drinking. I have to exercise
discipline in my speech and behaviour. If I
start thinking in a disciplined manner, I will be
able to make improvements in the quality of
my life. I will also be able to overcome my
laziness, irresponsibility and loneliness.
I pray to God to help me in my efforts to
lead a disciplined life and keep me trying until
my thoughts turn into actions.
37
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Published by
Mrs. Shanthi Ranganathan,
TT Ranganathan Clinical Research Foundation,
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Distributed by.
Mr. J. Srinivasan,
IT Ranganathan Education Foundation
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