CELEBRATING LIFE STUDENTS HANDBOOK
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- CELEBRATING LIFE STUDENTS HANDBOOK
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For further queries contact
MYRADA
No.2, Service Road, Domlur Layout, Bangalore 560 071, Karnataka.
Contact: +91-(0)80 : 25352028, 25353166, 25354457.
Fax : 25350982. Web: www.myrada.org. Email: myrada@vsnl.com
INSA-lndia
5/1 Benson Cross Road, Benson Town, Bangalore - 560 046
Contact: +91 - (0)80 : 23536299, 23536633
Web:www.insa-india.org.in
Email: insaind@airtelmail.in, insaind@gmail.com
SACS Office
Toll free phone helpline 1097
For further resources visit
www.nacoonline.org
www.unaids.org
www.cdc.gov
www.yrshr.org:
www.youthportal.gov.in
http://yas.nic.in
2
Foreword
Life has to be celebrated. Not celebrating it makes it a life led in vain, a
life that is not only joyless but even purposeless. People may choose to celebrate
life in different ways, and as long as the paths taken are within the ambit of the
laws of the land and the code of good ethics, there are no rights and wrongs. One
of the things that we are made aware of very early in life is that it is both legally and
ethically wrong to act in ways that can cause hurt to others. And so, most of us
grow up knowing the boundaries that we shall not transgress in our relationships
with others, lest they cause hurt and attract legal and societal sanctions. But what
about causing hurt to oneself?
Adolescence and youth are periods of discovery that are distinctly
different from childhood and adulthood. New facets of self are discovered that
have physical, psychological and social dimensions. There is a wholly new
awareness of the other, and of the range of pressures and possibilities that can
trouble as well as tantalise. There are temptations too difficult to ignore, and
peers who egg you on to 'grow up’. In all this, what young people are never told or
taught is how not to cause hurt to oneself. Between the moralizing and rule
making parents and teachers, and the pressures of peers to break free of morality
and rules, the neo-adolescent has no one to tell him/her that ‘breaking free’
carries a cost that need not be legal or societal but that can be tremendously selfinjurious.
Like exploring sexuality and ending up with HIV. It is in this context that
CDC, INSA, Myrada and TANSACS have brought out Celebrating Life, a timely
and very youthful set of three books that set out to tell young people exactly that:
that responsible behaviour is a favour to society but even more, it is a favour to
oneself. The Primer Module Phase is a short and catchy 3-hour session of
exercises, dialogue and analyses that serve to whet young appetites to know
more about young adulthood, sexuality, and protection from HIV infection. The
Ten Commitments Phase explores these themes in smaller groups and in greater
detail, conducted over 10 modules of 1 hour each. The Student Handbook
completes the set and is a purely private journal that can be maintained by each
student. It contains plenty of information and individual exercises, and enables
each student to personalise the ten commitments in his/her own way.
/
;
Aloysius P. Fernandez
Executive Director
MYRADA
3
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Acknowledgements
Many persons were responsible for developing and putting
together this manual for youth. In particular, we would like to
mention the following:
The team at International Services Association (INSA-lndia),
Benson Town, Bangalore for painstakingly working on the
content of all the sections and exercises.
Red Ribbon Club (RRC) Consultant, Tamil Nadu State AIDS
Control Society (TNSACS), and his team of Regional
Managers for all their inputs, suggestions and help in the
pilot testing.
The Field Officers in Tamil Nadu and the supervisors in
Belgaum who assisted in the pilot phase.
The students and management of the colleges in Tamil Nadu
and Karnataka where this manual was pilot tested.
Centers for Disease Control & Prevention - Global AIDS
Programme / India (CDC - GAP/lndia), who spearheaded this
venture and steered this project from inception to finish.
The team atMYRADA for their support and advice.
Creative Eye Advertising for their very creative and
innovative ideas and excellent design of the training manual.
Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) and PEPFAR
for their financial support to bring out this publication.
MYRADA
Bangalore
4
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Table of Contents
Abbreviations used
06
Introduction
07
I enjoy college life responsibly
13
I prevent STIs, HIV and AIDS
35
I deal healthily with socio-cultural influences
51
I value myself
61
I have set my boundaries
71
I face challenges with courage
79
I develop skills to prevent HIV infection
89
I care about everyone
103
I exercise my rights with responsibility
109
I plan my future
119
5
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Abbreviations used
AIDS
:-
Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome
C- Life : -
Celebrating Life
FA
Friendly Advisor
HIV
Human Immuno Deficiency Virus
ICTC
Integrated Counselling and Testing Centre
NGO
Non Government Organisation
PLHA
People Living with HIV and AIDS
RRC
Red Ribbon Club
SACS
State AIDS Control Society
STIs
Sexually Transmitted Infections
VCTC : -
Voluntary Counselling & Testing Centre
WHO
:-
World Health Organisation
6
INTRODUCTION
_______________________
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CELEBRATING LIFE!
What comes to your mind when you hear these words? We hope that
it will evoke a promise of enthusiasm and eagerness - this is exactly
what the Celebrating Life (C-Life) programme aims to do - channel
young people's zest and curiosity towards becoming responsible
youth.
Now that you have this handbook with you, you have already taken
the first step forward. You will see as you go along with the C-Life
programme that a few critical facts, the right attitude and critical life
skills are what you need to equip yourself to face today's world and all
the risky situations it includes.
7
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You are the centre of the C-Life programme
It's a proven fact that the youth in India face the risk of getting
infected with diseases such as HIV and other Sexually Transmitted
Infections (STIs). More than 30% of those infected in our country today
are below the age of 25 years!
The reasons for this alarming situation are a combination of
ignorance coupled with a lack of life skills to address the risk factors that
increase
young
people’s
vulnerabilities.
Peer pressure,
cultural
influences and gender biases are some of these risks we need to
understand and learn to face, to prepare for a safe and healthy life.
8
H
The C-Life programme
This programme has been designed to allow you to have fun while
learning. Now if you had already undergone the Primer module of C-Life
curriculum, you may have realised that the exercises and activities have
helped you to understand issues and concepts better and that they are
more interesting than just reading a book or listening to a boring lecture!
After the primer, we have the more detailed 'Ten Commitments
Programme'
in one hour modules. This programme will help you to
understand the facts even better, and will enable you to use critical skills
to help you celebrate your life in a safe and healthy manner. We hope that
you will attend this programme with gusto and enthusiasm. This
handbook will help you follow the 10 modules so that you can make the
following 10 commitments:
■ I enjoy college life responsibly - Understanding adolescent
growth and development.
■ I prevent STIs, HIV and AIDS - Basic facts about STIs, HIV
and AIDS.
■ I deal healthily with socio-cultural influences - Gender,
media, culture and their influences.
■ I value myself - Self worth and self esteem.
■ I have defined my boundaries - Reducing vulnerability to
HIV and other risky situations.
■ I face challenges with courage - Saying'NO7 assertively.
■ I develop life skills to prevent HIV infection - Life skills
development.
■ I
care
about
Reducing
everyone
stigma
and
discrimination.
■ I exercise my rights with responsibilities - Human rights
and sexual rights.
■ I plan for my future - Looking ahead beyond college life.
9
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Check out the college notice board or at your Red Ribbon Club office
to find out when the 'Ten Commitments Programme' sessions are
scheduled, and sign up to attend! Only fifty can enroll in a batch so, first
come -first served!! Don’t miss out on this chance - you may have to
wait till next year, which may be too late!
We welcome and value your feedback: What do you think of the
ideas and contents of this handbook? Please complete and return the
Evaluation Form at the end of the book. You can drop off the Evaluation
Form into the C-Life box placed at your college campus.
CELEBRATING LIFE programme is an opportunity for you as a
young college student to:
■ understand the special time of adolescence.
■ gain knowledge on STIs, HIV and AIDS.
■
recognise your possible vulnerability to HIV infection.
■ understand the relationship between media, gender, culture and
their influences on your vulnerability to HIV infection.
■
believe that you are a precious and unique being.
■ begin sharing with your friends on how to be responsible and make
safe choices about preventing HIV infection.
■ make healthy decisions to set your own boundaries now and beyond
college life.
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RESOLVETO PARTICIPATE
Make your choice to PARTICIPATE ACTIVELY in the C-Life programme.
Participating with commitment means you are willing to:
Participate honestly and frankly in discussions.
Share doubts and fears.
Agree to disagree if that is what the situation demands.
Listen attentively and learn from the programme.
Internalise the values that would help you make healthy choices.
Respect friends who share views different from yours.
Allow others also to participate.
Solve puzzles and fun sheets from this handbook.
Make time to participate in the full Ten Commitments Programme.
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Attach your
photo
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ter celebrate/ life/.
11
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I ENJOY COLLEGE LIFE
RESPONSIBLY
Understanding adolescent growth
and development
1
13
d
Let's begin with a reality check. Be sincere and honest to yourself. You
may choose not to scribble on this page, if you want to keep your responses
secret. Just figure out if your answer to most of the questions below is either
YES or NO. Begin now.
Feelings Sheet
If your answer is YES, place a tick alongside the statements.
Do you:
'
• feel you are not a child?
• feel you are notan adult?
• feel that you want to decide what your beliefs are nowadays? (You do
not go by what your lecturers or parents tell you)
• feel your values are decided by your independent choices?
• want to decide what you wish to accomplish in life?
■
■■
'
.
:
• feel self-conscious?
• keep evaluating and comparing yourself with others who you think
are 'better' than you?
• get moody often?
• fluctuate/swing between moods of deep sadness at times and
extreme happiness at other times?
• consciously take more time to dress up than when you were eight
years old?
• feel strong sexual urges?
• feel attracted to or fall 'in love'with different people at different times?
• feel pressurised sometimes?
• feel stressed quite often?
• feel you have no one to go to for answering deep and real personal
questions?
________ .
14
These feelings and thoughts are normal because you are in the stage
of adolescence.
UNDERSTANDING the period of ADOLESCENCE
Students in college, like you, are neither children nor adults. Like
others in the age group between 10 and 21 years, you are in a
developmental phase called adolescence. Everyone goes through this
process. This period is divided into early adolescence which begins at 10
years of age, and late adolescence, from 15 to 21 years. You are
currently in the period of late adolescence.
Late adolescent
(15 - 21 years)
Adolescent
(10-14 years)
Child
(1-9 years)
'You' at different stages - attach your photographs.
15
Adolescence is a time of great physical, social and emotional powerraw, untested power. It is also a very personal phase of development
where you establish your own beliefs, values and plan your ambitions
and goals in life. During this time, it is normal to constantly and
realistically appraise yourself, and be extremely self-conscious.
Adolescence is the crucial time in a person's life. It is a transition
from a carefree childhood to a responsible adulthood. During this
period, a young person undergoes tremendous pressure due to various
rapid changes taking place in him/her. These changes are characterised
in the five dimensions of adolescence: physical, emotional, social,
intellectual and spiritual.
EMOTIONAL CHANGES
Haven't you heard your friends say, "Hey I feeeeel like.... Or I don't
feel like..." ever so often? Everything seems to depend on our moods. In
the period of adolescence, we experience intense mood swings. At one
time, we are deliriously happy, and then suddenly, we become morose.
We often do not recognise these mood-swings on our own.
TR Y OUT THIS MOOD CHECK
Have you felt happy one moment and suddenly found
yourself feeling depressed orsad?
Have you felt sooooo good that even the
advice/scolding
from
your
parent
or
lecturer made you laugh?
Do you feel moooooody?
Is your answer YES to the above questions?
16
li
If your answer is YES, YOU ARE A NORMAL ADOLESCENT! Mood
swings are not only associated with adolescents. They are also there
among adults, but are much more common among adolescents. These
mood swings are actually a normal phase you are going through as
adolescents.
Why do we experience mood swings?
Our bodies produce chemicals (hormones) that help transform us
from children to adults during the period of adolescence. Sometimes,
the levels in the body are not always balanced - they swing from low to
high. When they are low, we feel low / depressed / sad / hurt. When
high, we feel hyper / happy / high. So our emotional states and feelings
also depend on the levels of hormones in the body at that time - nothing
we can control. This situation stabilises around the age of 21 years,
when the hormone levels stabilise and are more balanced. It is
important to understand this, so that we can also comprehend mood
swings that occur.
Other emotional changes linked to hormonal
changes is the feeling of sexual attraction. There are hormones
responsible for these strong sexual feelings. Your body is designed for
pleasure along with the feeling of sexual attraction. Physical signs such
as an erection (penis becoming hard and stiff) in boys and moistness
(excess secretion in the vagina) in girls occur. All these are normal
changes.
All of us need to recognise that our feelings can change all the time.
To truly CELEBRATE LIFE, recognise your feelings, be in touch with them
and choose safely.
• You can choose to respond or ignore them.
• You can choose whether to be impulsive or not.
• You can choose to act with or without thinking.
17
11
Let's look at this situation to understand a little more about the
emotional changes. Use your imagination to fill in the blanks, and then
go back and read out the story to yourself.
sJi
—
THE INCOMPLETE STORY
Complete the following story by filling in the blanks
The college boy's name is. He is
years
old. He is studying in. The college
girl's name is. She is
years old and
studying at
On Sunday there is a picnic to a tourist spot.
(The boy) desperately wants to ask
(the girl) to come with him to the
wonders how she'd react if he tried, and thinks about ways to
convince her to come along with him.
He does not know what to do and considers asking for advice
on how to ask her. He knows that if he asks his father his reaction
and if he
would be
asks his mother, her reaction would be
He considers asking his
for advice. SHE
SAYS YES!
The day of the picnic arrives; the friends meet, and get ready
to leave. She arrives later. She would have liked to inform her
loved ones of where she was going and with whom. She considers
telling her mother and thinks that her reaction would be
or her father whose reaction would
be
, or her lecturer
who would say. Finally,
she tells. During the journey, which was
more than two hours long, they talk about.
18
H
Finally when they arrive, their friends notice that they continue
talking to each other. The boys tease him saying.
When they start crossing the river, he offers his hand to help her
cross. When their hands touch he feels
and she
fe e I s.
After the picnic, the journey back home was.
At the end of the day they reach near her home. No one is on the
street when they arrive. At night her thoughts of him are
. His thoughts of her are
The next day.
I'm sure you came up with various feeling words for different people in
this story. These feelings are normal and part of growing up. No one
should be ashamed or scared of these feelings.
Let's take an example:
\
ir, '
u.
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:
'
■
Raja and Rani are attracted to each other. They find that they would
like to spend more time together.
19
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Is this normal?
How do we manage these feelings of attraction in order to Celebrate
Life?
During adolescence it is normal to feel attracted to other persons. We
feel closer to our friends than to our parents, family members and
lecturers.
SOCIAL CHANGES
We change during adolescence socially. We find that:
We distance ourselves from the family
and form new relationships. During
adolescence we are in search of our
distinct
identity.
We
want
to
be
independent. In order to fulfill this we
gradually
distance
ourselves
from
parents and start strengthening bonds
with friends. What our friends / peers
say holds more weight than what our parents say.
We take risks and show a sense of
bravado.
Most adolescents like experimenting
with
new
ideas.
adventure could
be
Sometimes
this
risky and even
dangerous. Our romantic being makes
us fall "in love" with another person (of the opposite or same sex) and
sometimes we are ready to do anything to please this special
partner/friend. Often we persuade each other to do things we ourselves
would not have done, like smoking, drinking, stealing, practising unsafe
sex, etc. Sometimes, we are forced into these practices by our friends
because we do not want to displease them.
20
/A
Understanding Adolescence
ADOLESCENCE is a time of great physical, social and emotional power. It is the raw,
untested, un-tempered power.
Adolescent maturation is a personal phase of development where children have to establish their own beliefs,
values and what they want to accomplish out of life. Because adolescents constantly and realistically appraise
themselves, they are often characterized as being extremely self-conscious. However, the self-evaluation
process leads to the beginning of long-range goal setting, emotional and social independence and the
making of a mature adult.
Between 11-13 years
• Starts physical changes
• Develops new self image
• Logical thinking and rational
judgement.
Early
Adolescence
Between 14-15 years
• Loosen ties with the parents
Stages of
Adolescence
• Increase in emotional/intellectual
capacities
• Adventurous, experimental
Mid
Adolescence
• Attraction to opposite sex.
m
Above 16
• Stable sense of identity
Late
• Consistent view of outside world
• Balanced between aspirations/
Adolescence
fantasies/reality
• Sets realistic goals in life.
Adolescence is the crucial time in a person’s life. It is a transition between a carefree childhood to a responsible
adulthood. During this period an adolescent undergoes tremendous pressure due to various rapid changes
taking place in him/her. These changes are emotional, intellectual, spiritual, social and physical.
15
2*
AN INCOMPLETE STORY
The boy’s name is
. He is
studying in
. The girl’s name is
She is
years old and studying at
part of the same.
During free time,
and her friends.
On
years old. He is
. They both are
{the boy} and his gang hang around the
grounds watching{the girl}
Sunday there is a picnic to a tourist spot.
(The
boy)
(the girl) to come with him to the picnic. He wonders how
she'd react if he tried, and thinks about ways to convince her to come along with him
At the other end of town (the girl) is also thinking of the
picnic hoping that (the boy) is planning to go to the picnic
too. Her mind is tormented with the thought that he might go with some other girl. She
thinks
of
ways
like
in which she could let to him
As the week goes by, the boy becomes increasingly nervous about the whole thing, he
cannot make up his mind about what to do, he wishes that no other boy would ask her
to the picnic.
He is also scared that the following things would happen if he asked
her
He
considers
asking
his
____ for advice on how to ask her. He
knows
that
he
asks
his
father
his
reaction
would
if
be______
and if he asks his mother, her reaction
would be
. He considers asking
his
teacher for advice and thinks that her/his reaction would
be
Finally, he decides that whatever happens, he'd at the very least try. He thinks of the
following
ways
to
ask
her
SHE SAYS YES!
The day of the picnic arrives; the friends meet, and get ready to leave. But the girl has
still
not
arrived.
The
boy
thinks
that
,. . BW w la her loeed ““
• reaction would
She arrives later. She would have^
/X
«h«e
reaalrrn
reaction
She considers i- '
and with who.
be_________
say
be
____
teacher who would
Fii^iy,During the journey,
, shf
>9
her _ ___
long,
talk
hours
2
tells
than
more
which
was
about________----
makes her
Sitting next to him
feel__
makes
feel
him
and
......................................................................
other.
°ther-
each
-----------------“----------- ’------ ”
saying_______-——____
They start
their
feels------
his hand to help her across.
he offers her
touch
eross^rhe river
hands
feels^
she
And
the boy sees a few
Sometime at noon,
thinks
He__
some
sees
she
thinks
and
After
about_
the
The
When
he
her
of
picnic,
of his friends drinking beer
on
friends
their
journey
was
No one is on the
They finally reach her home.
of
thoughts
At the same time,
She
Smoking-
home,
way
talk
they
home
back
street when they arrive.
him
thoughts
of
At night her
are
her
are
His
next
k
day
THE END!
The
__ ________ _
The Process |
Adapting the definition of Health by the World Health Organisation, INSA-lndia defines adolescent
education as a process that leads individuals in the age group of 10-21 years towards socio
cultural, intellectual, emotional, spiritual and physical well-being and supports their transition
from childhood to healthy adulthood and does NOT merely concentrate on sex education.
The objective of HIV/AIDS prevention education is basically to address behavioural change in the adolescents.
Hence, the five-dimensional approach was evolved centering on the significant changes that persons undergo
during adolescence. The impact of these changes on youth provides guiding principles for communicating and
working with them.
The five dimensions are:
Emotional Changes:
Adolescents continue to exhibit emotional maturity and instability, as well as, the reverse of both these emotions.
Intellectual Changes:
There is a considerable increase in their capacity to comprehend and reason out thoughts and deeds, both
in personal and family matters, besides their academic activities.
Spiritual Changes:
Based on personal experiences, they develop a feeling of oneness to strengthen their will power and imbibe
values, attitudes and beliefs.
Social Changes:
Adolescents believe in choosing their own circle of friends and look for relationships beyond the family.
Physical Changes:
Physiological changes and hormones contribute to a great deal of physical changes.
Adolescents are virtually packs of energy. They like activity. They learn by doing things. Especially when the
goal is not only exchanging essential information but imparting some useful skills, it is better to follow a learnercentred, participatory methodology in which transformation is triggered off and accomplished by the learner
him/herself. Keeping this in view, a Rights-based approach to our HIV/AIDS prevention education was designed,
which, is in accordance with the ethical code agreed upon.
An Approach Design
The exercises used by INSA-lndia follow an approach similar to the EXPERIENTIAL LEARNING CYCLE. Given
below is a graphical representation:
Direct Experience
(Game or Activity)
> z. z
.. O
Application
(Making Commitment)
Experiential
Learning
Cycle
Generalisation
(Lessons Learned)
6
Reflection
(Churning Experience)
1
Emotional Changes in Adolescents
All emotions are instant plans for handling life. The very root of the word ‘emotion’ is ‘motere’, the Latin verb for
'to move’, plus the prefix ’e’ to connote ‘move away’. This suggests that a tendency to act is implicit in every
emotion. Our emotions have a mind of their own; one that can hold views quite independent of our rational mind.
Concern about the appearance
Most adolescents grow concerned about their appearances. They want to look attractive. They compare the
size and shape of their bodies with others. They keep worrying if they do not conform with accepted norms.
Curiosity
Curiosity about sex is a natural part of growing up and is essential in preparing for adulthood. Sexual fantasies
are common and normal. Due to hesitation in clarifying their doubts, they find answers from their friends and
other sources.
Distancing themselves from family and forming new heterosexual or same sex relationships
Adolescents are in search of their own distinct identity. They want to be independent. In order to fulfill this
they gradually distance themselves from their parents and start strengthening bonds with their peers.
Taking risks and showing a sense of bravado
They like experimenting with new experiences. Some times this adventure could be risky and even dangerous.
They become romantic in their expression of love towards the opposite/same sex and are ready to do
anything to please the partners/friends. Very often, they coax each other to indulge in activities, like smoking,
drinking, stealing, unsafe sex, etc.
Changes in Thinking
What is important to me should
be important to others.
Everyone’s looking at me
and talking about me...
Why can’t you all
understand me?
I
Changes in Experience
Why am I controlled?
!
Making Decisions
Let me do what I want to do.
You don’t worry about me.
There is a frequent fluctuation between emotion - peaks of excitement and depths of moodiness that confuse
the adolescents. If not explained, this could lead to isolation from the community and lack of involvement in
social activity. This, in turn, leads the adolescents to feelings of being ignored and not needed and to the depths
of depression.
Watch Out
It is important for teachers and parents to be alert to the warning signals of depression in adolescents and
render assistance to overcome their dilemma. Following are some symptoms:
Showing or describing their mood as sad
Being irritable
Poor appetite or overeating
Insomnia or hypersomnia {no sleep or too much of sleeping}
Low energy level or fatigue
Low self-esteem
Poor concentration or difficulty in making decisions
Feeling of hopelessness
Low level of interest
Self-criticism, with the self-concepts of being uninteresting, incapable or ineffective
Feeling rejected or alone or disrespected
Withdrawal from friends and usual activities.
16
1
____________
IO I, Me and My Body
Objective: To increase our self awareness of the uniqueness and preciousness of each individual.
Material needed: Paper and pen for each student.
Group size: 20 - 30
Time: 15-30 minutes
Process:
• Ask students to make three columns in their books
•
Get them to name the columns as follows: the left column ‘beautiful’, the middle column ‘okay’ and the right
column ‘ugly’
•
Tell them that this is an exercise for evaluating themselves. Encourage them to think and evaluate themselves
truthfully without discussing with others. Assure them that what they write will remain private.
«
Then call out the parts of the body in a neutral tone as follows and ask them to simultaneously tick mark in
one of the columns according to their assessment of that part of the body for them.
1.
Head
14.
Fingers
2.
Hair
15.
Nails
3.
Forehead
16. Chest for men/breast for women
4.
Eyes
17. Stomach/waist-line
5.
Ears
18.
6.
Cheeks
19. Thighs
7.
Nose
20.
Buttocks
8.
Lips and Mouth
21.
Height
9.
Teeth
22. Legs
10.
Neck
23.
Penis for men/vagina for women
Feet
11. Shoulders
24. Toes
12. Arm
25. Complexion.
13.
Hands
•
Ask the participants to total how many they have ticked marked in each column.
•
Remind them to keep what they have tick marked as private and the need to respect each person in the room.
Note for Facilitators:
A full length mirror will encourage students to view themselves as others see them. You will find children
coming better dressed to school.
9
•
Young peoples’ perception of themselves directly affects their self worth and sexuality.
Points for Discussion:
Ask the group who had marked themselves 25 out of 25 in the ‘Beautiful’ column. Allow for the silence that may
prevail. Then ask about 24 out of 25, and continue 23, 22.... 15... 10...5...3... 1 ...0 out of 25 in the ‘beautiful; column’.
Begin a debate on what ‘beautiful’ means to them. Is it the commercial connotation of ‘beautiful’?
Would it be good if all looked alike ? Mr World? Or Miss Universe??
62
Each one of us has some common needs
We al! want to
,
Wx
n
Be loved and recognised.
1
1
il
•' i.
.. X- . !
Jb
'' I
We all want to
■
=
■
- ■
-■
Live amicably in a
community.
'-7
R.
'I, \ ’
We ail want to
j /
Find out our role in life.
<•
21
We all want to
n
Develop satisfying
relationships.
,,K
I
f.
V
4
i
We al! want to
Build an identity
separate from our roots.
V
We need to accept that this is a normal stage that we are going
through. It is a crucial and sometimes an unpredictable stage. We can
easily become very vulnerable. While we are eager to please our
friends, are we in the process of harming ourselves? When we are in a
situation like Rani and Raja, how can we manage our feelings and
relationships safely?
22
II
Here are some tips for healthy relationships.
• Have a wide circle of friends, which will help you understand both the
genders better.
• It is important to understand the attitudes and thoughts a person has
about males and females. Does a boy think of a female as a "chick" or
"item" and a girl think of a male as a "hunk" or a "hulk?" Both these
attitudes are negative and you may be treated as a "thing" rather than
„
.
a "unique, precious person"
When you think you are in love with someone
Ef ■
gM. —«
• Identify if the person you "love" has both self-respect and respect for
you. If this is lacking, then it is better to avoid getting into a serious
relationship.
relationship.
|
• Being "in love" does not mean that it will always continue forever. Do
■v<|.
■
■
.....
not assume that every relationship ends in marriage. At this age, even
when you feel you are in love, keep your limits and just be friendly. The
hormones in your body make you feel strongly attracted to the other
person. By the next month you may be "in love" with somebody else.
Remember - you are an adolescent. This is normal!
• If the person you love says things like, "Only if you .... (kiss me, come |
to a movie with me, write records or do my homework for me) I will
know for sure that you love me". These conditions are not part of real
love. It may lead to abuse. You do not need to do what you do not want
,^rr
to do, even if the person ..zx.
you. "love"
asks you to. If MW
this M
is happening
with your friends (Raja and Rani) caution them.
' Hl,InJ groups ratherthan meeting alone. A public place is safer than a
• Meet
private place because there are limited chances of abuse when you are
in a crowd rather
ratherthan
than being alone with the other person.____________
The Bottom Line:
No Matter How Much You Love A Person,
Remember... YOU Are More Important Than That Person.
Keep Yourself Safe. Enjoy Life Safely.
23
Ij
PHYSICAL CHANGES
Adolescence is not just about feelings and mood swings. Many
changes occur in the body. How much do we understand of terms such
as periods, wet dreams and masturbation ?
Reshma is talking to her friend
-■
that her menstrual periods are
-
not regular. What's happening
v
t )
\
■■
to Reshma?
/
s
Here's what happened in Reshma's life. When Reshma was in
standard
eight,
13 years old, she attained
menstruation (periods).
puberty, her first
At the time of puberty and before the first
menstruation, the pituitary gland stimulates the ovaries in the female
body to produce a hormone called 'oestrogen' which is responsible for
the physical changes in Reshma and all other young women. The first
change that is visible is the development of breasts (sometimes one
breast may be larger than the other- this is normal). Then, hair begins
to grow in the pubic area (private parts) and underarm. The pelvic
bone widens and fat deposits around the hips, breasts, arms and thighs
provide the adult female shape.
All these changes in a girl begin around two years before 'menarche'
or the first menstruation. Menarche occurs around 13 years of age.
However, menstruation may begin as early as 10 years or as late as 18
years.
24
Fallopian tube
Uterus
■
Cervix
Ovary
Endometrium
Vagina
What exactly are menstrual periods?
From the time just before
menarche, an egg in the ovary (one egg from one ovary once a month)
is ripened and released into the tubes nearby.
This egg waits to be
fertilised by a sperm from the male. (Sperms enter the female body
through an act of sexual intercourse where the male penis is inserted
into the vagina of a female). Meanwhile, the uterus (or womb) forms a
cushion in its inner lining to receive the fertilised egg. (It is like we
arrange the sofas for the guests to sit more comfortably).
If there was no sexual intercourse, then fertilisation does not
happen. The egg dies, and the uterus destroys the cushion it had made.
This is thrown out of the body through the vagina as blood. It takes 3-5
days for all the destroyed lining and egg to come out of the body. This
time is called the menstrual period. This repeats once a month on an
average till the age of around 45, when the ovary stops producing any
more eggs. If the bleeding is very irregular, or heavy, it must be checked
by a doctor.
25
It is important to prevent anaemia (low levels of good blood) in
young women by eating good nutritious food that is rich in iron (green
leafy vegetables, ragi, etc).
Just before the period starts, girls may experience a feeling of
bloating and painful breasts. Mood swings, depression and irritation,
along with stomach cramps can also occur. These are normal. If you
cannot tolerate it, then please see a doctor.
What then about males? Do they undergo changes apart from
their voices changing?
SITUATION 2
___ _
15 year old Ranjan was telling
his friends of how he has very sexy
dreams at night and finds his pants
wet. He feels guilty and thinks he is
I
a bad person.
. .
What's happening to Ranjan?
When Ranjan was about 12 years or so, the pituitary gland in his
brain released the gonadotrophin hormones, which in turn, stimulated
the testes to start producing sperms. A year later, the testes also began
producing testosterone, the male hormone that is responsible for the
physical changes in any male. Hair began to grow in the pubic area, in
the armpits and on the face as beard and a moustache. The thickened
vocal chords led to the "breaking of the voice" making it lower pitched.
A sudden spurt of growth occurred, and Ranjan grew tall and thin with
disproportionately big hands and feet.
Later, more hair grew on his
arms, legs, chest and back. These kinds of changes are normal for any
young adolescent male.
26
4
This growth process usually begins around 12 years, and reaches
completion anytime between 18 and 21 years.
One major concern for boys like Ranjan at this time is the maturing of
the genital organs. With the production of sperms, the testes become
larger (one can be bigger than the other), and the skin on the scrotum
changes in colour and texture. The penis also grows to its full size (may
tilt to one side) and is more erectile. It is very important to know that
the size of the penis has got nothing to do with the ability to have an
erection or ejaculation (release of sperm). This is the time when boys,
including Ranjan, have 'wet dreams' or nocturnal (night) emissions of
semen, which is normal and nothing unusual. It is the body's way of
getting rid of old sperm and making place for fresh sperm.
LLECTUAL CHANGES
Intellectual changes allow us to become more analytical and think
more logically. Along with our independent streak, this mental growth
prompts us to be more curious and take risks. While this is good, we
must be careful about what risks we can take. We must also remember
that an adolescent has still not understood how to measure the
consequences of risks as yet - therefore, the young boy may want to
ride his bike at 100 miles per hour only thinking of how fast he can make
his bike go (and not the possible risk of an accident), while a young girl
may like to entice a boy with revealing clothes to show off her beautiful
body (and not understand the possible risk of him getting the wrong
message that she wants to have sex with him).
SPIRITUAL CHANGES
Spiritually, young girls and boys begin to understand that there is a
power above their parents and teachers. All this time religion was what
was drilled into them. Now they want to explore their own thoughts and
beliefs.
27
This is important for them as they learn that they have to live with a
conscience, which can make them feel quite guilty at times.
We cannot give you all the details about the changes in adolescence.
You could take the time to go to the library and read up a little more so
that you can understand what you are going through.
THE IMPORTANT MESSAGE FOR YOU IS THAT
ALL THESE CHANGES ARE NORMAL!
It is how we manage these changes in adolescence that determines if
we are ready to celebrate life in a healthy and safe manner.
MYTHS & FACTS
Here are a few myths (marked x) followed by the actual facts (marked Z)
x Wet dreams or nocturnal emissions indicate a sexual disorder.
Y Wet dreams are semen that comes out during the sleep or during
dreams that are erotic in nature. They are normal to any adolescent
boy. It is the body's mechanism to expel the old semen.
28
/
I
X- Frequent masturbation can lead to sexual inadequacy, loss of
strength and vigour, pimples, insanity, mental retardation and
I
diminishing size of the penis.
y Masturbation is a natural sexual behaviour and is common in both
males and females. The frequency of masturbation will not lead to
any problems at all, certainly not sexual inadequacy, loss of strength
nor mental retardation.
x /X male with a larger penis is sexually more potent and offers women
greater sexual gratification.
Z Size does not matter - since it is only the outer one-third of the
vagina which is sensitive to sexual stimulation.
29
. IS
•
r
' v\
X A female is unclean during menstruation and therefore, having sex
at this time is unsafe. She should be kept out of the house, kitchen,
places of worship, away from crops, etc.
'S Menstruation is a normal, natural and healthy function of the female
body. Most can carry on all the regular activities of everyday life.
Every girl should know that the menstrual function is a normal
manifestation of womanhood of which she can be proud. Age-old
restrictions, taboos and superstitious beliefs placed on menstruating
females have no scientific basis. However, it is important for all girls
to maintain good personal and genital hygiene during this time.
9
!
x Mood swings in adolescents is an attention-seeking behaviour.
V Mood swings are influenced by sudden changes in hormonal activity
which also affects the body and the mind. Adolescents can
understand these mood swings if they are aware of these hormonal
changes.
30
I
Recognise that you are going through
simultaneous changes NOW !
Social
changes
Emotional
changes
o
0 0 ' i>^.vs’ca*
o
changes,
Intellectual
changes
Spiritual
changes
31
1
I*
w
>
IJ
Tosum up:
You are going through
the crucial phase of
adolescence. It is normal
to feel attractions, sexual
urges and be moody
during adolescence. The
key to celebrating life is
learning to manage these
changes and feelings
healthily.
Adolescence is one of the most fascinating periods of
life that marks the transition from being a dependant
child to becoming an independently functioning adult.
32
i.
Stick your
photograph
here
;J
1^
Sign
4
"
1
Stick photographs of your
friends who share
your commitment 1
‘i;
1
I
/
33
My notes for enjoying college life responsibly
1_______________________________ i
34
-
I PREVENT STIs,
HIV AND AIDS
Basic facts on STIs, HIV and AIDS
«if
■
r4^-/ -
35
We are going to discuss a set of infectious diseases that you have
definitely heard of, and perhaps know a lot of. The reason we want to
focus on these diseases is that the only way out is understanding how
you get them and focussing on prevention - and that is in your hands.
Let's start with HIV and state a few facts:
Today, India has around 2.5 million people with HIV infection! The
age group that is maximally affected is between 15 - 44 years - our
precious youth and young adults who are the bread winners and young
parents in the family.
HIV causes the disease AIDS.
In India, the most common route of infection is through sexual
intercourse (87%). While there is no cure, new medicines can prolong
and improve the quality of life of a person living with HIV infection (ART
- Anti Retroviral Therapy is now available in India). Anyone can get HIV
infection. The only true way out is prevention. Prevention is based on an
individual learning how to avoid risky behaviours (finally, it is upto you
to learn and adopt safe behaviours).
Frequently aske^l questions
WHATISAIDSl
It is the Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome. AIDS is a condition
that destroys the body's ability to fight infections. AIDS is not
hereditary.
WHATCA hnMMiiiliiiiffiiinpife
A virus called Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV). This virus lives
only in human beings. It attacks the resistance-providing cells in our
body (the Cd4 cells).
36
HOWISHIVSPi
There are four common ways of getting HIV from an infected person. They
are:
courtesy l-TECH
W3
Unprotected sex with
an HIV infected person.
Using unsterilised
needles and syringes.
Getting blood I organs
from an infected donor.
Infected mother to her
child during pregnancy,
delivery & breast feeding.
CAN WE RECOGNISE AN HIV INFECTED PERSOi
NO, they can look normal for 6 to 10 years. But they can still pass on
HIV infection to others through the above-mentioned ways.
IS THERE A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HIV INFECTIOl'
Yes there is. From the time a person is infected, it takes around 6-10
years approximately (for some much less, for others much more)
before there are any serious medical problems. He or she looks and
feels normal and healthy. After around 6-8 years, they begin to get
simple infections more frequently than others. These are called
opportunistic infections. But they can still work, dance, sing and choose
what they want to do.... In brief, live normal lives. They are not ill. It is
only after around 8-10 years that their immunity is so low that they
may get AIDS. At this time, they are sick and unable to manage regular
work. During the stage of AIDS they look ill. They may have a collection
of symptoms or diseases. These include rapid loss of weight, severe
loose motion (diarrhoea), fever for more than a month, and other
opportunistic
infections
like
tuberculosis,
pneumonia,
fungal
infections, skin cancers, brain infections, etc. People living in the initial
stage of infection are called People Living with HIV infection.
37
Stick a group photo of your friends or people
you like (music group, film stars, etc).
I
The group above looks normal and healthy. People with HIV infection
also look normal and healthy. It is important to note that even when HIV
infected people look normal and healthy, they can pass the HIV to you
through the ways explained earlier.
Remember HIV ’ does not'spread by any of the
following ways:
Sharing the same toilet or
using a public swimming pool
By touch
38
i
\
v
Sharing the same utensils
aiisa
Sitting next to a person
living with HIV infection
Mosquito or other insect bites
"■
How do we find out if we ha ve HIV infection ?
■
■
■
■1
The only way to find out if you have HIV infection is through a blood
test. This is a simple blood test which takes a few minutes only. Both
before and after the test is done, a counselor will explain about the test
and the possible results. It is important to get this test done at a place
which has both counseling and laboratory facilities. In our country,
these are called the Integrated Counseling and Testing Centres (ICTC)
or the Voluntary Counseling and Testing Centre (VCTC). Remember this
test is voluntary - no one can force you to do it. It's a good idea to get
your blood tested for HIV. If you are willing, go ahead to any VCTC or
ICTC close to you. There is no need to be scared. Your result could be
either negative or positive. If negative, wonderful - always live a safe
and healthy life and continue to remain negative. If positive, it is also
okay. You are healthy still. When you fall ill there are medicines and care
services to help you have a long and productive life (just like a person
with diabetes who needs to choose to have life-long medicines). Choose
to live a healthy lifestyle.
So what's the big deal about HIV infection?
People with HIV infection look normal and can work or study.
However, they need to change their lifestyle; they need to work at
remaining healthy. Just like people with diabetes, they need to work to
stay healthy. Unlike diabetes, they can pass on their infection to others
if they do not practise preventive methods. Therefore, they too have to
avoid risky behaviour and be responsible not to infect others or reinfect
themselves.
39
The other big deal about HIV infection is the stigma and
discrimination associated with it. We are going to learn how to deal with
this stigma and discrimination in the 8th Commitment. But till then you
can do your bit by informing others how HIV is spread, and more
importantly how it is not spread. Also know that we should not shun
people living with HIV and AIDS (PLHAs) but offer them care and
support - would you recoil from a diabetic or someone suffering from
cancer? No! Then why the special negative treatment for HIV? Anyhow,
you are not going to get it unless you have unprotected sex with that
person or somehow that person's blood enters into your blood stream!
You, as a young person, could pave the way to enlighten others about
the facts about HIV and remove their myths. Here are common myths
that we hear often.
Hav^ you heard these statements?
These are misconceptions
AIDS is a punishment from God.
Your sympathy depends on how the person got the infection.
Only people with low morals get infected with HIV.
People who die of AIDS deserve it.
It is dangerous to have people with HIV in the community.
Having sex with a pig can cure you of HIV and AIDS.
A child who is HIV positive should not be given admission in a
school in orderto protect other children.
A person who is HIV positive should be removed from the
workplace to protect other workers.
It is not necessary for a Club or an NGO to have a HIV workplace
policy.
The only way out is PREVENTION.
40
How can we prevent HIV infection?
If you know how you can get HIV infection, then it is easy to
understand how you can prevent getting infected. Follow these steps to
be "SAVED":
S - Safer Practices
01 Choose abstinence - the safest way to prevent sexual transmission
of HIV.
0 Choose to nurture a mutually faithful sexual relationship. Be
faithful!
0 If you are already sexually active, use condoms correctly and
consistently.
0 Use disposable or sterilised- needles and syringes for injections,
tattooing, etc.
0 Insist on receiving tested HIV negative blood for any blood
transfusion.
0
Say 'No'to intravenous drug use.
0 Pregnant women living with HIV infection can protect their babies
from infection by accessing special medical care at the PPTCT
(Prevention of Parent to Child Transmission Centre).
0
Practise universal medical precautions for health care.
0 Health care providers can access post-exposure prophylaxis if they
have been exposed to HIV infection.
41
A - Anti-retroviral treatment
Forthose who are living with HIV infection are on medication, adhering
to prescribed ART, once begun, helps prolong the HIV infection stage and
prevents early onset of AIDS.
V - Voluntary Testing and Counseling
Barely 1% of the 2.5 million estimated people living with HIV infection
know that they are infected, because the others have not yet got tested.
Remember, if you are negative, you could celebrate life by staying
negative and avoiding risky behaviours.
Those who are tested positive for HIV, can get medical care and be
responsible not to get reinfected or pass on the infection.
E- Empowerment
We know all about HIV prevention and yet have no ability, motivation or
skills to prevent HIV infection. As you go through this book you will find
ways to practise skills to ensure that you enjoy every moment of your life
and prevent HIV infection.
D - Drugs
There are drugs for infections associated with HIV and AIDS and for
basic health care.
Some germs take the opportunity to infect a person living with HIV
infection
because their resistance is lowered.
These are called
Preventing opportunistic infections is one of
the important ways to ensure that a person living with HIV infection does
Opportunistic Infections.
not progress into the stage of AIDS.
SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER:
BIRTH CONTROL PILLS DO NOT PROTECT FROM HIV INFECTION
42
Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs)
STIs are communicable infections, which are transmitted by an
infected man / woman to his/her partner during sexual intercourse.
They are quite easy to contract. STIs are serious and painful.
Gonorrhoea, herpes, chlamydia, syphilis, HIV and AIDS are the most
common STIs in India.
How can we recognise an STI?
A person with an STI may look and feel healthy, but can still infect.
Va(
Pai
Bui
vac
What happens ifan STX is not treated?
There may be various complications due to STIs, if proper treatment
is not given. They include:
Complications in adults
0 Infertility: inability to have a baby
[fp Hepatitis: disease causing jaundice and damage to the liver
43
fjl Dementia: diseases leading to mental problems
®i Cancer of the uterus, cervix
Complications of pregnancy
g Congenital syphilis leading to stillbirth or deformed baby
Complications in infants
g Infection with gonorrhoea causing blindness
g Pneumonia in the newborn baby
®i Heart and other congenital defects.
How are STIs treated?
0 All STIs (except Herpes and HIV) can be cured.
if Treatment requires taking special medicines (antibiotics) only given
by a trained doctor.
fii Treatment should be as early as possible (within 48 hours of getting
the symptoms)
g The medicines given only lasts forthat one episode.
fi You can get another or the same STI again if you do not take
preventive measures.
[fi Also make sure that your partner/s get treated.
44
Can we prevent an STI?
Abstinence (no sex at all) is the only 100% fool proof method of
preventing STIs.
Is there any relationship between STI and HIV?
Yes. HIV is primarily a sexually transmitted infection. The relationship
between STIs and AIDS is two fold:
iH The same high-risk behaviour causing STIs also causes HIV infection
(unprotected sexual intercourse).
g HIV transmission is easily spread in a person who has genital ulcers
or sores caused by STIs.
S Sore in the private parts (genitals) even if it
disappears on its own
T Tenderness i.e. pain during touch. Pain in the
private parts during the act of sex or passing urine.
I Itching or irritation with or without foul smelling
discharge in the private parts.
S Swelling in the private parts.
Have you heard these statements?
STI is a
short form
for Sexually
Transmitted
: Infections.
Most STIs
are curable.
___
ill
Tell everyone that they are NOT true:
N
O
T
T
R
U
E
x Men with STIs believe that having sex with a virgin will cure them.
X Disappearance of symptoms without treatment means that
the STI is cured.
X A person can get an STI by using a public toilet.
x Burning sensation during urination is due to body heat,
which needs to be released by having sex.
45
X A person cured of STIs cannot contract STIs again.
Masturbation causes STIs.
The correct answers are
y Sex with a virgin does not cure STIs. Instead you can also
infect the virgin.
Y Disappearance of symptoms does not mean that the STI is
cured. It only means that the external sign has gone, but the
germ is still in the blood and the person needs treatment.
y A person cannot get STIs by using public toilets.
Burning sensation during urination means that there is an
infection, which needs treatment, and the body is in need of
more fluids.
y A person cured of STIs can get it again if exposed to infection.
j Masturbation is a normal behaviour, and does not lead to STI
infection. Only unsafe sex leads to infection.
To sum up: |
All are at risk
of
acquiring
HIV infection.
Prevention of
HIV infection is
the only cure.
46
Try out this puzzle on adolescence, STIs, HIV and AIDS. Reading this
book could help you complete the puzzle too. The answers can be found
horizontally, vertically, diagonally or zig-zag.
N
M
M
A
A
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L
M
C
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W
0
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Q
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0
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s
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p
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6
A
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0
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A
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47
«
ACROSS:
are at risk for HIV infection {3}
1.
and healthy {6}
2. A person with HIV infection looks
3. All students can use the, for clearing their doubts on
HIV prevention {8-3}
4. Both
are vulnerable to HIV infection because of
gender{5}
is the sociological difference between
5.
males and females {6}
DOWN:
1. HIV infection is
{8}
2. A hormone responsible for the sexual maturity of female is the
{12}
3. Say
to preventing HIV infection and caring for those
living with HIV infection and AIDS. {3}
when in a relationship of
4. Choose going out in
love. {6}
5. Management of
is a life skill to prevent HIV infection {8}
TRICKY {LOOK SIDEWAYS/IN ANGLES / ZIG-ZAG TO FIND THE
WORDS}:
1. A symbol for commitment to care and support of people living with
HIV infection is the{3-6}
2. One clear way to live positively is to visit the
counseling and testing {4}{acronym}
3. Take time to enjoy life safely. Choose
to prevent the sexul transmission of HIV {10}
4. The ability to say
from HIV infection {2}
for
the surest way
assertively is a life skill to protect us
5. We must protect ourselves from HIV infection because we are
and precious human beings. {6}
48
( orfuirhinerrt2
JTk, HIVAIDS
%
Stick your
photograph
here
I
(■
t- " t
■ .••!
Sign
1
Ip
”
■ ■•■
Stick photographs of your
friends who share
your commitment 2
49
J
My notes for preventing STIs, HIV and AIDS
50
I DEAL HEALTHILY WITH
SOCIO-CULTURAL
INFLUENCES
Gender, media, culture and their influences
1’ ■Sn
__ L
51
In the previous commitment, you saw that prevention of HIV seems
very simple. Why is it not so in reality? There are several other
influencing factors that increase our vulnerabilities such as culture,
media and gender.
In what way can culture and gender he associated with the risk
of HIV infection ?
Let's do an exercise to check if we understand the difference
between sex and gender.
List down five characteristics of what you think an ideal male and an
ideal female should have.
Ideal Female
Ideal Male
Go through your list and check if these really are the most important
characteristics of an ideal male/ideal female. If your answer is 'yes',
then scratch out the heading 'Ideal Male'. In that place write 'Ideal
Female' and scratch out the heading 'Ideal Female' from the second
column and write 'Ideal Male'. Once again look at the characteristics you
had written for 'Ideal Male' and see if these could be female
characteristics too. Similarly, look at the second column and check if
they are characteristics that would apply to males too.
You will find that those characteristics that are not physical in nature
are interchangeable.
The characteristics that are interchangeable are referred to as Gender.
52
Gender refers to widely shared ideas and expectations (norms)
concerning women and men. These include ideas about Typically'
feminine or female and masculine or male characteristics and
commonly shared expectations about how women and men should
behave in various situations.
These ideas and expectations are learnt from family, friends, opinion
leaders, religion, advertising and the media. They reflect and influence
the different role, social status, economic and political power of women
and men in society.
Sex refers to physiological attributes that identify a person as
male or female.
® Type of genital organ (penis, testicles, vagina, womb, breasts).
fp Type of predominant hormones circulating in the body
(estrogen, testosterone).
gp] Ability to produce sperm or ova (eggs).
if] Ability to give birth and breast feed children.
s
E
X
A simple way to remember the difference between sex and gender is
that sex is biological and gender is social.
Gender sensitivity does not mean that we no longer recognise
differences between men and women. Some differences remain
because of biology. We may choose to retain others even in equal
relationships (e.g., men choosing to drive the car or women choosing to
cook dinner). The key reason to talk about gender is because both male
and female need to exercise their choice (e.g., if the man wants to cook
dinner, it's fine or if the woman wants to drive the car, it's fine).
53
Let’s understand how gender and culture increase our
vulnerability to HIV infection.
-y—r—..........
.
Gender issue
Few examples of Vulnerabilities due
gender biases
to gender influences
Gender has to do with
relationships, between
and among men
and women.
Mothers teach daughters Women do not raise their
not to contradict men;
voices even when sexually
fathers teach sons 'not
abused.
to act like women' by
crying when they are hurt.
Gender defines who has
more power.
Females are soft and
helpless; males are
strong and powerful.
Gender applies not only
to people who are
heterosexual, it also
affects people who are
bisexual, homosexual or
lesbian and people who
choose to abstain
from sex.
Men who have sex with The He-man gender-version
men are seen negatively of a male socially permits
by society (gender).
him to demonstrate his
power by having pre
marital and extramarital
relationships, while society
would never condone a
woman if she did so.
It is taken for granted in
some societies that
men can have multiple
sexual partners.
Men and women can
Women are weak and
manipulate gender-based men are strong.
ideas and behaviour for
their own benefit,
presumably without
harming anyone but at
the same time
reinforcing stereotypes.
Women are viewed as
objects of sexual pleasure,
putting her at risk for HIV
infection and sexual abuse.
If a male is infected
with HIV, he is seen as
immoral.
If a female is infected
with HIV she is seen
as a victim.
Women are not allowed
to demand the use of a
condom, making her
more susceptible
to HIV infection.
Women's dependence on
men's decision-making
powers makes her
susceptible to HIV
infection.
It is difficult to be 100%
gender-sensitive;
almost all of us are
influenced by gender
in our ideas and actions.
54
Solve the riddle given below to understand this statement
Riddle
saw that the father
was instantaneously
dead with the steering
wheel pierced into his
ribs. The boy was
bleeding through his
ear.
A nine-year-old
boy was very happy
when his father had a
day off. He asked his
father whether they
could go out for a
ride. The father was
also extremely
excited at spending time with his
son. They got into their green dinky
car and drove away. The father drove
fast. The son got anxious and said,
"Daddy, don't go so fast, we will have
an accident." The father replied,
"Let's enjoy, son." He continued
driving even faster.
Recognising the bleeding as a
sign of head injury, they immediately
transferred him to the emergency of
the hospital. The emergency team
quickly summoned the famous
neuro-surgeon to operate on the
boy. The nurses shaved his
unconscious head. The boy was
wheeled to the operation theatre,
They met with an accident! A where the nurse had all the
crowd immediately gathered. Luckily instruments ready for surgery.
the car had dashed against a wall of a
The famous neuro-surgeon
famous neuro-surgery hospital in
walked
into the operation theatre,
which there was a world-renowned
___
neuro-surgeon. The hospital had looked at the boy and
walked
away
saying,
\
taught the community how to save
J
lives in emergency "I cannot operate.
This is MY SON!"
? J
situations. The
moment the crowd
heard the bang
they rushed to the
'I
car. Looking in, they
HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? WRITE ALL YOUR ANSWERS HERE.
*The answer to this riddle is somewhere in the book. You have to
read the book to find the answers!!!
55
How does our community view girls/ women ?
Some will say: they should be caring, gentle, passive, respectful and
obedient; or be responsible for domestic chores and child care. Speak
and dress modestly, please and obey men, control their sexuality,
behave responsibly and not show their sexual feelings.
What does our community say about men/ boys?
They may say, men / boys
make important family decisions, for
example about house expenditure, how many children to have, marry
and provide for their family, be strong, not to show their emotions, take
the lead in relationships and in sex.
What do you think would happen if they interchanged the roles?
Would our community accept these reversals?
Would your friends
agree? Would you accept them yourself?
What does gender have to do with HIV?
Traditional gender roles make both men and women vulnerable to HIV
in the following ways:
if] Boys are expected to show off their manliness and indulge in pre
marital sex so that "practice will make them perfect" by the time they
are married.
if Men will decide on what day or time they want to have sex; and if their
wife is either pregnant or sick, it does not matter, they will find some
"other" woman - it's their right as a man to satisfy themselves.
if Women cannot negotiate when to have sex or how many children
they want.
56
fl] Women are not expected to show their sexual feelings as they will be
considered promiscuous.
[fl] Women cannot say 'no' because they must be obedient.
ifl] Women cannot demand condom use by their husbands even if they
know their husbands have been unfaithful.
Don't you think that all these will make a person vulnerable to HIV
infection? Even if you know the methods of prevention but cannot
practise them because you will not be allowed to, then you are at risk.
To sum up:
Gender is the
social difference
of being a male or
female. We need
to recognise how
gender increases
our vulnerability
to HIV and AIDS.
57
;omr iitrnent .
•''^FSr
Stick your
photograph
here
45
I--------------
Sign
4
r
Stick photographs of your
friends who share
your commitment 3
58
My notes for dealing healthily with socio-cutural influences
59
Stick photographs of your
friends who share
your commitment 3
60
I VALUE MYSELF
Self worth and self esteem
F
h*
■L
61
Now that we have made three commitments, let's take the fourth
commitment to CELEBRATE LIFE....
Here is an interesting exercise you can do when you are free.
[®! This is an exercise to evaluate yourself truthfully without discussing
your ideas with others. Anyway, you can use a pencil so that you can
rub off what you have written to keep your thoughts private.
if] Place a tick mark alongside to express how you rate that part of your
body. You could feel excellent about that part, just ok about it or not
good at all. Whatever the answer, let it be an honest one.
Excellent
S’
No.
Particulars
1
Hair
2
Face (eyes, nose, ears)
3
Hand
£
Skin (complexion and colour)
5
Figure (height, weight & shape)
6
Stomach
7
8
Waist
9
Penis for men and vagina for women
10
Thighs
11
Bravery
Intelligence
12
13
or beautiful
Chest for men and breasts for women
14
Commitment
Responsibility
15
Confidence
Total
62
OK
Not good
or ugly
Then total each column. Remember, what you have ticked is
personal and confidential.
Explanation
What is your total count in the "Excellent" column? Is it 15? Or less?
If you have marked all 15 in the "Excellent" column, you have an
extremely positive self esteem. Keep it up! Remember you are
beautiful, every part of you!!
If you haven't marked all excellent, then read on: very often, we
distance ourselves from our real self. This internal separation begins
from childhood.
9
At
''
months
to
a
year
-
an
experience of getting spanked, when the
■
baby touches his or her genitals in the
normal process of discovering his or her
body. If the genitals were not covered
people would tease saying, "Shame!"
This small child slowly learns that this part of his/her body is not
beautiful.
In truth, our genitals are the organs that give us pleasure and through
which a new life is born. It is very natural and normal and there is no
need to be ashamed of it. Shame of body is a social norm taught to us.
At 3-5 years - an experience or experiences of hearing your
parents orteachers orany elder saying,""Hurry up, lazy children! Is this
how you write? Look at this alphabet? Is it going to heaven? How many
times have I told you to write neatly?" and so on! In truth, handwriting
is a skill that needs fine muscle coordination, which a child develops
slowly with practice around the age of six.
63
Even now: hearing yourfriends or near and dearones say
"What a boy you are...boys don't cry!"
"You must be a tom-boy to want to climb trees."
"Such a terribly long nose you have!"
"Better to cover your ugly face with a beard
THE ACTUAL TRUTH: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!
Look at your beauty and goodness within. Everything in nature is
unique and beautiful. Why do we not agree with that? Every part of our
body is made BEAUTIFUL.
Take your hands for example and
think of what it does for you. It can
pick up things, feel hot / cold, can
sense pain, can give pleasure, and
■
coordinate with your eyes, brain and
Vi/' (
/J
muscles. It is more efficient and
fascinating than the latest new model
mobile phone that we desire!! Think of
every part of your body. It is precious.
More precious than the most precious
thing you own.
>
Learn
to
respect
your self
-
physical self by remaining fit and
eating nutritious food; and emotional
self by respecting your thoughts and
feelings.
64
I
It is only when we respect our body that we avoid risky behaviours
such as use of tobacco, intravenous drug use, consuming alcohol, etc.
An important factor in preventing HIV infection is the ability to value
our bodies as precious. Give yourself time to think about this and
believe you are unique and precious. In your book there is a heart. We
want you to put your fingerprint there when you can. No one in the
world has a fingerprint like yours. You are that unique. Believe it!
Unless we value ourselves as beautiful, how can we protect our
body? How can we truly say NO or make safe choices?
Set our own
boundaries for preventing HIV and AIDS? This is possible only when we
value our bodies as unique, beautiful and precious.
W w Ww:mwi
“ ““ W “ w
I am unique, handsome and precious !!
65
FILL IN THE SELF ESTEEM STAR BELOW.
In the centre, put your picture or your name in big letters. Then
complete the 6 statements in each of the surrounding triangles.
MY SELF ESTEEM STAR
A successful decision
I have made lately
Two things that I have
accomplished that
I am proud of
Two people I admire
Two qualities or traits
I bring into a friendship
Two goals for my future
Three positive words to describe myself
66
A
in >
£
v i .....
Tosum up:
w
No one in the world
has a finger print like
me. lam unique.
When I value
myself, I can draw
on strength within
to protect myself
from all preventable
diseases including
IS STIs, HIV infection
andAIDS.
aaSil
67
f
mitment
I i[
%t>
Stick your
photograph
here
Sign
i
n*
f7
X»mKlMA£UblUl2UK,MtiKA*iaA^irar3?^JU:SfJAtlt4UmHMM
Stick photographs of your
friends who sh&re
your commitment 4
fiiii
My notes for valuing myself
69
.
..
I
My notes for valuing myself
.
'i
________-__________
___________________________
70
I HAVE SET MY
BOUNDARIES
Reducing vulnerability to HIV and other
risky situations
i
s
1
71
IBh-
1
ii
HL o
Since you are unique and precious, you need to celebrate life and
protect yourself. One important way to do this is to first understand the
available options or choices as well as to know what limits you set for
yourself. Does this sound confusing? Simply put, you are responsible for
the decisions you make. Out there in the big wide world there are many
options. If you have learnt how to respect yourself, you will be able to
make the appropriate choices in a logical manner, and stick to them. So
how do you go about making the right choice and still protect yourself?
Look at each option.
Weigh the pros and cons of each.
Set a boundary limit for
the option you select.
1 Respect that boundary and
I guard it with your life.
A boundary is a limit I draw up for myself, which helps me V
value my personhood, my freedom and my choices.
This limit or edge defines me as separate from other people.
r
My boundary is violated when anyone trespasses and tries to
control my feelings, attitudes, behaviour, choices and values.
72
FACT:
If we do not set our own BOUNDARIES, others will set them for us.
Setting healthy boundaries for yourself shows that you care for yourself,
treasure yourself and protect yourself from risky situations.
IIP*
Tips to set healthy boundaries:
■ '
- • ■
y"'.
; _
,,
'"ala?'?a'
Respect others' boundaries as you respect yours.
•r ■--
■
/..■■■•a-’'
iiaia
’ ■"
a-
If you are not comfortable when others touch you, tell them openly
iand move away if necessary.
i
■
a
''
Form or join a group or club to protect from negative peer pressure,
I
I Debate issues related to HIV and AIDS and your perceived risk when
J
i
i
'
someone takes advantage of you.
Bl
a:-.
Your boundaries are challenged when
i
SSli
You are being taken advantage of.
■ 'aaa&a'h:-'
Someone is being overly helpful and decides for you.
a': ■
Someone you love is looking at you as an object of pleasure or as a
showpiece.
Bl-IS®
Someone wants you to be different according to his/her wish.
73
Start preparing your own boundaries for healthy
relationships today
Questions you
may have
Tips for choosing healthy
boundaries
Should I tell her /
him all my secrets?
Consider the person's level of interest
and caring before opening up to
him / her.
Should I talk intimately
in the beginning?
I have fallen in love with
a new acquaintance* ?
What do I do?
* someone you have just met
and do not know well.
Lr
Try not to overwhelm them in the
beginning. It is better to go step by
step. First be sure you are being
trusted as much as you trust.
Love needs time to develop. Stay in
touch with your feelings, it's okay to
feel attracted. First plan to get to know
the person better before declaring to
the person that you are 'falling in love'.
Should I act on my
first sexual impulse?
Ask yourself, "Will I feel good about
myself later?" Will it be good for me
now and in the long run? Remember
to value yourself and respect your
feelings before making a decision.
What do I do when
someone wants to
get too close to me?
Be wary of someone who wants to
get too close too soon. Are you
ready for this? Once they get close, it
is difficult to go backwards, both
physically and emotionally.
Should I accept food /
gift / touch or sex?
If you are sure you are happy to
receive what is being offered, and
confident that the consequences are
safe, then you can make your
decision. If not, then stop and decide.
74
Some boundaries I have decided to keep
to protect myself from HIV infection.
If 'YES' tick the appropriate column
_____
Actions
Yes /
no
With
person
whom I
love
With
close
friends
With
family
With
general
friends
With
others /
anyone
Going for picnics
without
supervision
Playing games
Sharing personal
thoughts
Going for
parties / movies
Drinking alcohol
Close dancing
Kissing
Having sex
Having sex
with condoms
iaagOtStewwwg;
75
To sum up:
A boundary is a limit I
draw for myself.
Boundaries define me
as separate from other
people.
I make my boundaries
because I value pnyself
and I know and Relieve
that I am precious.
ft
! f*
76
If
mitment 5
f
I
Stick your
photograph
here
111
Sign
/
%
'V
■
B.
«•
,n ■• !
4^4^ tv 4M^h^
WlBMflM-JS'f.W!
Stick photographs of your
friends who share
your commitment 5
77
tki«w>Uiftm!nMi%xzKtW
My notes for setting and keeping my boundaries
78
I FACE CHALLENGES
WITH COURAGE
Saying 'No' assertively
X
j
•
I. i
**
79
/b
-C a.
41^ «.
We've come half way through, making five commitments so far to
Celebrate Life.
What else can you learn to help you face vulnerable situations?
Sometimes,
we
may
value ourselves,
and set appropriate
boundaries (Commitments 4 and 5), but give in when finally faced
with a difficult situation.
How does one stay strong and learn to say 'No' without hurting
others and without compromising with oneself?
Have you had any of these thoughts in the recent past?
if] I find it hard to manage my mood swings.
if] I feel powerless when I am with the person I love.
if I feel I must have sex to show how modern I am.
if I feel I am worthless. I have not set any boundaries for myself.
if I have a sore in my private parts; but am too shy to seek treatment for it.
if I am not bold enough to question a doctor when he / she uses an
unsterile syringe for injection.
If you have answered YES to any of the above statements then you need
to realise that you have been exposed to a risky situation. How can you face
these risks with courage? Remember you are precious and unique. It is
hard to manage feelings but we can learn to SAY 'NO' ASSERTIVELY! What
does assertiveness mean?
Fill in the dictionary meaning of assertive' here
Now fill in what you understood about the meaning of being ‘assertive’:
80
Being 'assertive' is healthy. There are two other ways you could
react, both of which are not healthy. They are by being aggressive
(angry and abusive) or being submissive (passive and giving in). Either
way, you either hurt someone or you compromise yourself.
TIPS FOR BEING ASSERTIVE - PRACTISE HOW TO SAY 'NO'
You can say NO by being assertive and still be accepted by your
friends. Assertively saying NO is when you are able to express yourself
honestly and feel comfortable about it. It is your ability to exercise
personal rights without insulting, embarrassing, hurting or degrading
another.
Self test
Imagine a situation like this - Someone you like invites you to an
all-night party; but you do not want to be alone with him/her.
Match the responses given below with one of these three choices:
a) Aggressively 'No';
b) Submissively 'No';
c) Assertively 'No'
1) "I don't want to go out today. Maybe you can join our gang of
friends for that show we are going for next week?"
2) "I don't feel comfortable. But, it's alright, I will come with you."
3) "How dare you ask me? You really are cheap to think I will come
out with you! I have my limits. How dare you!! You @!! @@!"
’££ 'QZ ’31 :J9MSUtf
Being assertive is a way to respect yourself and your friend.
81
More tips on how you can say 'No' and still have your true friends.
polite r'
E.g
I
.CanI^\0U1
»NO thanks ■
Answer-
answer
^•9.
Come 0^7?° ^nks^
|O^
GWC
at'
,d <ea
,0^0 ■
acv°ndeV°5V
roS v°
3 to
lt^taV
.Vd rat
lSWer'
An
and^
ate11
her6
Walk away
E.g. Hey, do you want to have a drink?
Answer: "No", and walk away immediately.
5
that breaks the mood or cools
Say or do something
more time to think.
down the situation or give you
^ev(er^e th
^t's
(Qn 6 the pressurQ
Ans^e,-:
^‘9.
dpstaj
„
ISO7cf
room
)eard^hat
/ Do not take responsibility
for others' feelings
E.g. Do it for my sake. It will make me happy.
Answer: "I am not responsible for the
way you feel. Only you are!"
-
s
■fng?"
3 of
^°,PSdo'^
„ s\t'ja
^°'d 11 cert3'3
do i
;tsoO
Strength in numbers
Hang around with people, who support
your decision not to use drugs, etc.
E.g. If a new acquaintance asks you
out on a date, it would be wiser to go
out in a group (if you choose to go).
82
'°P
\nto
x/QO d
3\N^’
Give a reason
E.g. Give me a kiss
Answer: Not just now, let s
Answer:
play with our friends there.
I
When you are totally, truly and completely attracted to
someone you choose from the following options:
Become 'friends'
You can choose not to tell the person you like him/her. Before you
choose to express your feelings of attraction, you can choose to be
friends with the person. Meet as you would a friend. Keep the level and
depth of communication free with no obligations on either side.
Build a foundation for a strong and successful romantic relationship
A strong romantic relationship begins with respecting yourself and
the person you like. Three elements go into making a relationship
romantically successful. They are
fl] Keeping communication honest and saying what you want, so there
will be no room for doubt.
fl] Taking time to build the relationship. Remember this is another
unique, precious person! Take time to find out more about the
person, enjoying traits as well as affable characteristics. You are not
in this relationship to be a judge of whether that person is good or
bad. Instead of interpreting every action by your own, clarify and
communicate. Talking and showing that you want to keep a good
relationship going helps
[®
Plan
the
future
of
the
relationship
through
talking
and
communicating honestly about what you want and listening
attentively to find a path agreeable to both.
Choose abstinence
Abstinence can be a sign of real emotional maturity and integrity. It
requires courage, maturity and honesty to resist the pressure of
83
someone you love in order to make a decision consistent with the
boundaries you have set for yourself. Abstinence is 100% safe from
sexual transmission of HIV infection and STIs.
Abstinence shows you can resist peer pressure. If you do love
someone, you may find that delaying sexual intercourse contributes in a
positive way to your relationship. You have time then to develop a
deeper friendship. Abstaining can be the true test of love.
Going one step further??
Scenario #1: You are thinking about having sex but not comfortable
talking about it with the person you are attracted to.
Solution: Having sex is an intimate experience. If you can't talk
about it, how are you going to feel comfortable doing it? Maybe one of
you thinks that talking about sex kills the mood or that sex should just
happen naturally when the moment is right. Nothing can be more
wrong! Talking about sex is one of the best ways to reduce your anxiety
and risk. That's because talking about sex can help build trust and
respect between you both. Most importantly, it helps you plan ahead so
that if you do decide to have sex, you can establish your sexual
boundaries together and you can decide how you are going to protect
yourselves against HIV infection and STIs. Remember you do value and
love yourself too.
Scenario #2: You decide that the time n your relationship is right for
you to have sexual intercourse. You decide on using condoms, but your
partner does not want to use a condom.
Solution: Some people will use a million excuses to avoid using
condoms so you'd better be armed with a snappy reply. If she says, "It
takes away the romance," you could say, "So could an STI." If he says, "I
can't feel anything with a condom," tell him, "You'll feel even less if you
84
don't use one because we won't be having sex." If she swears she won't
give you any diseases, tell her it's nothing personal but you want to
make sure both of you stay healthy. The bottom line: You've done well
so far. You've kept your boundaries that you set for yourself. You know
how precious you are. You have the choice to say, "No condom, no sex."
Scenario #3: You've already had sexual intercourse together but now
you realise that it was just too soon for you and you don't want it to
happen again.
Solution: It's not too late to stop. Keep in mind that just because
you've done it once doesn't mean you have to do it again. It's okay to
say "no" at any time, regardless of what you've done in the past. The
key is to be firm and clear about how you're feeling and what your
boundaries are. If your partner tries to push the issue, stand your
ground. Anyone worth your time and affection should respect that you
want to slow things down.
To sum up:
Saying
'NO'
assertively
is
expressing yourself
honestly
and
comfortably.
85
k.-orti:n
!ra
AUkXft'
Stick your
photograph
here
Y/-
Sign
h<4
Stick photographs of your
friends who share
your commitment 6
86
I .
My notes for facing challenges with courage
_____________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________ /
r
r
87
■
___________________________________ ______________ ____________________ ___ ______________________ :______________________________________________________________ _____________________
Even though our major focus in college is academics, we also want to
enjoy our lives. Unfortunately, there are situations of stress, conflict and
peer pressure. Our independent "adolescent" selves want to but cannot
handle some of these pressures and conflicts.
There is a way out. We need to learn a few life skills that can help us
cope with various circumstances. The World Health Organisation has
suggested ten minimum life skills that everyone needs to gain to enjoy
life healthily.
What are Life Skills?
They are abilities needed by an individual to cope with the problems
and demands of daily life.
Life Skills are abilities for adaptive and positive behaviour that
enable individuals to deal effectively with the demands and
challenges of everyday life.
World Health Organisatioi
How can these Life Skills help you ?
They have helped other young people in the following ways:
if] Enabled them to have an honest and truthful self awareness.
ifl Helped them gain psycho-social capacity and achieve holistic self
development.
ifl] Allowed them to develop healthy self-image and establish
appropriate relationships with other people, community and the
environment.
Empowered adolescents to think critically and make effective
decisions.
fl] Strengthened an individual's capacity to do what one knows is
healthy.
Wouldn't you like to know what these magic Life Skills are all about?
Read on.
90
Life Skill 1: Empathy
Definition: The process of understanding and caring about the
needs, desires and feelings of other people
Explanation: The ability to see things from the perspective of
others, and understand what others are going through (putting yourself
in theirshoes)
Example: Jyoti invited everyone to her home to celebrate her
achieving first class in exams and all had agreed, except Shanti. You
found out that she had failed in maths, while the others had passed.
While all the others called her a spoil sport, you stood up for her and told
others to cool off. You used the skill of empathy because you were able
to understand her feelings and what she was going through.
Life Skill 2: Problem Solving
Define
The ability to develop solutions for
internal or
interpersonal problems and conflicts.
Explanatioi
The capability to have a complete picture of the
problems, by analysing the root causes of the problems, and coming up
with an objective assessment of related issues and concerns, helps with
problem solving.
Life Skill 3: Interpersonal Relationship (IPR)
Definition
Relationships with parents, siblings, friends and peers,
future partners and all the other people that a young person comes in
contact with as he or she develops into an adult
Expla1 :
The depth and values you build in your relationships
with all those around you, especially family and friends is the
foundation for good IPR, which help you grow to your full potential.
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Life Skill 4: Effective Communication
Definition: The ability to express ourselves, both verbally and non
verbally in ways that are appropriate to our cultures and situations.
Explanation: Effective communication involves the sharing or
exchange of thoughts and feelings and entails openness and readiness
to share one's ideas, desires, needs and fears with other people. It
means not only being able to express opinions and desires, but also our
needs and fears. It involves the skill to ask for advice and help in times
of need. Learning to speak effectively is useful to get one's way
anywhere, anytime.
Life Skill 5: Creative Thinking
Definition: The ability to see beyond the actual and direct
experiences
Explanation The ability to think outside the box encourages an
individual to ask important questions such as: 'What are the options I
have? What are the implications or possible results of each option? Do
these options include the courses of actions that I really want?'
Creative thinking is the ability to challenge, which is one of the first
steps in lateral thinking. It is questioning the process of thinking by
asking ’’Can I look at this in another way? Or differently?"
Life Skill 6: Critical Thinking
Definition: The ability to study one's surroundings and experiences
objectively.
Explanation The ability and willingness to question the way things
are, and to not readily accept things at face value, helps one think of the
pros and cons before making a decision.
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Life Skill 7: Stress Management
Definition: The ability to shorten the length of time that one
experiences stress and negative emotions, and minimise their adverse
effects.
Explanation It is the ability to understand the cause and learn how
to deal with effects such as physical (headaches, high blood pressure,
excessive sweating, etc.), emotional (anger, crying, shouting, etc.) and
social (fights, verbal abuse, etc.) challenges. Managing stress involves
reducing these effects through special techniques such as slow
breathing, rationalisation, physically distancing oneself from the
situation, talking to others, etc.
Life Skill 8: Self Awareness
nnition The knowledge and understanding of one's self.
Explanation: The ability to have a clear picture of one's strengths
and weaknesses, values and attitudes toward life, needs and desires,
and aspirations in life. It is also the ability to accept ourselves as we are.
Life Skill 9: Decision Making
Definition: The ability to effectively use creative and critical
thinking in determining the options or courses of actions to follow.
Explanation: The capability to analyse the issues that need to be
decided on to weigh the pros and cons of each option; to choose the
course or courses of actions based on what the individual believes to be
the best of all the possible choices.
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Life Skills 10: Emotions Management
Definition: Ability of the individual to rise above the confusion
brought about by emotions and feelings.
Explanation Ability to maintain self-control and rationality despite
the psychological problems caused by emotional changes and stress, is
a life skill that can help us truly to Celebrate Life.
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Place photographs of people
you admire as having these
life skills.
1
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if
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Let's see if you understand how to apply these skills in everyday
situations:
Listed below are different situations many young people might come
across. How would you address each situation, and specify which Life
Skill is being used to do so. More than one Life Skill can be used for each
situation.
.
SI.
No. !
Situation
Possible action
____
1
Your exams are
tomorrow and there
is a great movie on
TV tonight.
2
Your friend is forcing
you to go alone for a
movie with him / her.
3
Your classmates have been
worrying you to come out
for a drink to the pub for
over a week and now they
are calling you a sissy.
4
You are angry because
your parents punished
you for coming home
late without waiting for
an explanation.
5
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Life Skill
Now work it out...
Fill in the blank lines, using clear'No' statements, alternative actions
and delay tactics.
You're at a party with someone you have gone out with a few
times. You really like this person. Your friends already see you
both as a ’pair'. The party is at a friend's house whose parents
are gone. A lot of people are getting high and some couples are
leaving - probably to have sex. You don't want to get high or
have sex and you don't want to leave the party.
Your "pair": Let's get out of here so we can be alone. It's too crowded.
You:
Your "pair": I just want to be alone with you. This is our chance.
You:
Your "pair": C'mon, I really want us to be alone.
You:
Your "pair": I've been looking forward to this night with you. Let's
make it special.
You:
What are the Life Skills you put into practice while getting your
answers? List them out.
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USE YOUR BODY TO SHOW YOU MEAN 'NO'
Throw your hands up in HANDS
OFF action. Sit up or stand up
stiffly like a soldier does at
attention pose and march away
from the person.
Use a strong firm
voice.
Keep your face serious
and no matter how
hard, maintain eye
contact when you say
;lures
cse geS
NO
x/OU
and arm
ha0'
Nemer*5mo'
'NO'.
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to 9^
s\caw
X/O^
an'
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^,,.3 (19), returned from college
•
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agitated that day. She walked straight
ifW
into the kitchen to see her mother baking
;a.
gio
SiS
■:k"'.-;s.r> affiHafe ><
a cake
.
. . ■' -,. .■•■■■->;’.“ ' .
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She started unloading her pent-up
feelings to her mother, "Ma, I just cannot
manage. Today all my friends ignored me and the lecturer scolded me
and... and you are spending more time with Kiran than with me. It's
just too much."
drp vnu
Her mother continued to make the cake and Reema said, "Are
you
making the chocolate cake now?" Her mother replied, "Yes. Would you
like to taste some of this maida?" Shocked, Reema answered, "Even
you are stressing me out. Maida!"
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"Okay," said the mother, "Would you like some of this raw egg?"
"Mom" Reema exclaimed in desperation, "What's wrong with you?"
"Sugar alone?" mom continued.
Reema got off the kitchen chair and began walking towards the
door in a huff. "Wait" said her mother, and continued, " By itself, the
.
maida, the egg or the sugar does not taste good. But when it is blended
and baked fora particular period, don't you love it?" "Yes", said Reema.
"Well", said her mother, "In the same way, these problems you face are
the special ways by which you are getting baked to become that ideal
young woman you will be. Think about that, okay?" Reema smiled. She
appreciated her mother's wisdom in explaining her stressful day.
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"Im
To sum up:
Practising the ten
Life Skills will help
me to C-Life.
......
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to j^lVObt HIV >U^tu>4v
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Stick your
photograph
here
Sign
4
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Stick photographs of your
friends who share
your commitment 7
100
101
■■■■■
Sp
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My notes for developing Life Skills to protect myself from HIV infection
102
I CARE ABOUT EVERYONE
Reducing stigma and discrimination
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Stigma is a situation where people are distanced for reasons
perceived rightly or wrongly in a context. People living with HIV infection
face stigma.
Few examples of stigma & discrimination
"I was thrown out of my house even though I got infected with HIV
by my now deceased husband."
"I feel awful...they have taken away my children from me."
"Don't use our plates. Yours are kept separately "
"Pack your bags and leave. There is no work for you here/'
Let's understand why there is no need for people living with HIV
infection to be treated so badly. We do know that staying in the same
house, looking after their children, working side by side with them,
using the same toilet or going with them to the same college does not
spread HIV infection. People do think that those with HIV infection are
'bad', 'promiscuous'. This is not true. Any person is at a risk of getting
HIV infection.
You can do your bit too to let others know. Ignorance increases
stigmatising practices. You can inform others that stigma kills people
fasterthan HIV infection.
104
Activity: First get some photographs of you, your near and dear
ones and stick them on this page:
MMMKWWWWWWWWWVk___________ J
IL
All are at risk for HIV infection. Even those in your photos. Including you.
KEY MESSAGE TO PASS ON TO OTHERS:
People with HIV infection need not be thrown out of their houses,
colleges or offices.
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To sum up:
Stigma kills people
faster than HIV
infection.
All are at risk of
acquiring HIV
infection.
106
ommttment 8
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Stick your
photograph
here
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Stick photographs of your
friends who share
your commitment 8
106
108
I EXERCISE MY RIGHTS
WITH RESPONSIBILITY
Human rights and sexual rights
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Rights are those freedoms that we are born with, that the world and
our country, India are committed to maintain. There are several human
rights that every individual enjoys through the Indian Constitution.
Some of them are the right to life, the right to information and
education, the right to liberty and security of the person, the right not to
be discriminated, the right to the benefits of scientific progress, etc.
Here, we would like to focus on a few rights that are important for you
to understand and exercise to protect yourself from those risky
situations that make you vulnerable to HIV infection and AIDS.
Three
the most direct rights in th^ context of HIV and AIDS
are:
Right to Informed Consent:
You cannot undergo testing for HIV unless specific and informed
consent from you is taken.
Right to Confidentiality:
Whatever may be your test result,
you
have the right to
confidentiality. If you turn out to be HIV positive, then go back to the
second step and look at the ways to lead a healthy life with HIV infection.
Don't forget to contact the positive network close to you. No one at your
college nor at office once you begin work needs to know your HIV status.
Think positively. You have the choice to disclose your status to someone
close to you and a duty to do so before you begin a sexual relationship.
Right against Discrimination:
Regardless of your HIV status, you have a right to be in college, to
work, seek and receive medication and education.
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The World Health Organization defines SEXUAL HEALTH as:
A capacity to ENJOY and CONTROL sexual and reproductive behaviours
in accordance with a social and personal ethic.
ifll Freedom from fear, shame, guilt, false beliefs and other
psychological factors inhibiting sexual response and impairing
sexual relationships.
[gl Freedom from organic disorders, disease and deficiencies that
interfere with sexual and reproductive functions.
In order to understand our sexual rights clearly, we need to know what
sexuality is all about. Often sexuality is wrongly interpreted and thought
of as sexual intercourse or sex.
What is sexuality?
Human sexuality is much more than just the act of sex. Human
sexuality includes:
if] How you describe yourself as a person
I® How you feel about being a man or a woman
[fjl How you relate with members of either gender.
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UNIVERSAL CODES OF SEXUALITY
f Sexuality is a natural part of the self; it includes physical, ethical,
spiritual, social and psychological dimensions.
f Every person, including you has self-worth, dignity and expresses
sexuality in different ways.
f Sexual relationships that are not forced are more satisfying and
long lasting
f Sexual relationships need to be based on mutual trust, honesty,
commitment and respect.
ifi All sexual decisions have effects and consequences.
if Every person has a right and obligation to make responsible sexual
choices.
fi All men and women are sexual beings.
if Exploring sexuality by the young is a natural process of achieving
an identity.
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i
Here is a situation. Read through it and follow the explanation below:
Situation
Anuja thought she was a very lucky girl when Aman, the man of
herdreams asked her to go with him to a movie. His gang of friends
were going and he wanted them to know that he liked Anuja. He
behaved courteously and Anuja was happy. The next day he took
her to a picnic. Once again he looked after her and saw to her every
need. At night Anuja couldn't stop thinking of him. One day Aman
took Anuja to a restaurant and both of them had some beer. He then
took her to his house. No one was around. There he offered her
more drinks. He then put on some music and asked her to dance.
They danced and Anuja liked it. He then kissed her. She liked that
too. He then started undressing her. Anuja stopped him saying,
"No". But Aman said, "I have spent so much for you and now you
have to give me what I ask for" and then had sex with her.
IS THIS RAPE????
Write down what you think and get your friends to scribble their
thoughts along the margins. Are you thinking it is not rape? What are
your reasons? Do you think it is not rape because Anuja went out with
Aman? She willingly went to his house - she should not have gone. She
should not have encouraged him by dancing with him. She should not
have allowed him to kiss her. She liked the kissing. She asked for it (sex).
She should have said NO firmly. Some women say 'No' when they mean
'Yes'. Is this what you think?? In short she should have been the one to
CONTROL where the
relationship was
heading? Aman
had
responsibility towards controlling where the relationship was going?
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no
THE FACT IS THAT AMAN DID RAPE ANUJA.
Any non-consensual sex is rape.
The duty to control sexual relationships is both Aman's and Anuja's.
The right to enjoy sexual relationships is again both theirs. Look once
more at the WHO definition of sexual health. Sexual health is the ability
to enjoy and control sexual behaviour. We need to learn not just how to
enjoy sexual
behaviour safely
but also how to control sexual
behaviour..enough to STOP if ever there is a verbal or non-verbal STOP
expressed.
Sexual rights also include the right not to be abused. We may often
not even recognise that abuse is happening. It may have become quite
normal in our life.
RECOGNISE ABUSE
——
Emotional and psychological abuse include:
if Telling someone s/he is ugly.
fl Denial of love/affection/sex.
gj Humiliation.
fi Refusing to help someone in need.
fii Name-calling, shouting at a person.
fi Damaging their favourite possessions (clothing, pet).
fi Threatening physical or sexual violence.
fp Insulting or cursing a person who has refused to have sex.
g Writing threatening letters to someone after she/he ends a
relationship.
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Physical violence may include:
[fi Slapping, beating, pinching, hair pulling, burning
if Threatening or attacking a person with a weapon or object
f Physically confining (locking in a room or tying up)
if Ripping off clothes against the will of the person being ripped.
Sexual violence may include:
f Beating a person to force him/her to have sex.
f Touching a person's sexual body parts against his/her will.
f Using vulgar and abusive language to coerce someone into having
sex.
f Putting drugs into a person's drink so that it is easier to have sex
with him/her.
f Refusing to use contraceptives or condoms.
f Having sex with a minor.
Rights.... Positively Yours?
Remember that you do not need to tolerate abuse. You are entitled to
basic Fundamental Rights. All are equal in the eyes of the law - no
matter what religion, caste, status, sex or place you belong to. These
Rights do not change just because HIV and AIDS affects an individual. It
is important to be aware of your basic or Fundamental Rights and to
remember that you can do something ifthey are violated.
Answer to the riddle on Pg 55
115
•<
Tosum up:
Sexual health is the
ability to enjoy and
control sexual
behaviour.
Rights
a n d
responsibilities go
hand in hand.
J A.-
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Cor nn
Stick your
photograph
here
Sign
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,4
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14
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Stick photographs of your
friends who share
your commitment 9
ILailmm'"*‘"*"im!*®'aw,‘
117
My notes for exercising my rights with responsibility
118
I PLAN FOR MY FUTURE
Life after college
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119
What have you learnt so far?
If you have gone through all the previous nine commitments, you now:
lO know the changes one goes through in the adolescent period
have learnt basic facts about STIs, HIV and AIDS
fli understand the cultural and gender influences in our society
fli recognise the importance of self esteem
fl] know how to set boundaries
fl] can be assertive in order to face challenges with courage
fli will be able to use critical life skills to handle difficult situations
fli will not tolerate stigma and discrimination, and will be caring
fl) know yoursexual rights as an individual.
That's great!! We hope you feel good about all these learnings. Now,
it's your turn to use them wisely. For the time you are in college and
beyond that.
Let's spend a few minutes thinking about life after college.
120
What do you think would happen to you?
Which commitment would come in handy when you:
ifi look for a job?
[ft get engaged and married?
0 face problems with your boss?
0 have fights with your spouse regarding children?
meet a close friend who is living with HIV infection?
Discuss each of these situations with your Friendly Advisor. Don't put
it off saying- "When I face it I will deal with it/' or" I know how to handle
all these things, I don't need to worry." For now, however, celebrate life
by enjoying your rights with responsibility. Join the Red Ribbon Club and
get involved in spreading the messages you have learnt. Be proud of
yourself that you have made these commitments to yourself, and
encourage others also to go through them.
121
To sum up:
Celebrating life
includes ma king
plans to keep
commitments 0ven
after graduating
from college.
Joining the Red
Ribbon Club will
t o
Celebrate
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J 10
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Stick your
photograph
here
Sign
*!»•
j •
Stick photographs of your
friends who share
your commitment 10
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My notes for my future
124
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EVALUATION FORM
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You need not write your name or address. Once you have completed the C-Life
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Student’s Hand book, please complete this form and mail it to:
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MYRADA 2, Service Road, Domlur, Banagalore - 560071, India
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Name and address: (Optional)
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Name three important messages you got for yourself through reading the C-Life
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Student’s Handbook.
Give us suggestions on:
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What material is missingfrom the C-Life Student’s Handbook?
2.
Is any part unclear, or not relevant, or not to the point?
3- Are the methods, stories and examples helpful and realistic?
Any questions? Ask them here. Get questions from your friends too and jot
them down on theflip side of this page. We shall answerthem confidentially.
No one needs know who asked the questions. The answers will be posted to
the address you give above.
Any other comments
We thank you for your feedback. This will help us to revise the next edition
appropriately
■
MYRADA
INSA
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