LIFE SKILLS MATERIALS

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Title: LIFE SKILLS MATERIALS
extracted text: RF_COM_H_77_SUDHA

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C. INTRODUCTION TO EPISTEMOLOGY
Logic is helpful in eliminating nonsense - whatever is sayable need not be meaningful. Epistemology,
which is the theory of knowledge, helps us to establish truth because even what is meaningful need not
necessarily be true.
Before we proceed further with epistemology, it will be in order to clarify a few concepts:
Belief necessarily involves a gap in knowledge - and thus.the elements of risk and probability. (There
is no need to believe something of which you have absolute knowledge.) In a matter of belief, the logical
possibility that one can be wrong has to be allowed. (Incidentally, this attitude contributes to intellectual
honesty by making the dialogue open and transparent).

There are three levels of thinking:
(i) Perceptual - associating words with objects.
(ii) Judgemental - An understanding of the state of affairs; e.g., I am reading this file. When put
into words, it becomes a 'proposition'.
(iii) Inferential - Inference is a conclusion reached by a process of thinking. When put into
' words, it becomes an ‘argument’.

The table outlining the three types of apologetics (page A-5) indicates nine views held by people which
are sought to be addressed by philosophical apologetics. These can be considered as epistemological
approaches to truth and knowledge which must be critiqued in the light of the fallacies which we have
studied thus far.

1. Barriers to Truth
The following three views are self-defeating and thus are barriers to truth:a) Agnosticism : The belief that one cannot know anything about ultimate reality (truth) including
God. This is a self-defeating statement violating the law of non-contradiction because this statement
itself assumes some knowledge, namely, the knowledge that no knowledge is possible. We conclude
therefore that some knowledge is inevitable.

b) Skepticism : The belief that one should doubt everything. This is self-defeating because the person
who makes this statement expects us to believe his statement that nothing should be believed. We
therefore conclude that some belief is inescapable.

cl Relativism : The belief that all truth is a personal matter of one’s own perspective - there are no
absolutes. This is self-defeating because the statement "All truth is relative" is in itself an absolute
statement. Thus even to deny the absolute one has to assume it and therefore existence of an absolute
is undeniable.

2. Inadequate tests for Truth
These can be subdivided into objective and subjective truth tests. While these approaches are partly
valid, they are inadequate as ways of apprehending the truth.
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i) Objective truth tests:
is Rationalism: The belief that all truth car. be attained by reason alone. This is inadequate because
reason deals with mind whereas reality is a matter of fact. Reason deals with ti. ught and therefore
cannot tell us anything about things. Reason is confined to a rationalistic conceptual approach and
not with empirical reality'.
Example : Reason approaches the statement "Two Pink Elephants (PE) plus two PE equals 4 PE"
from the narrow angle of whether two plus two equals four; it cannot tell us whether pink elephants
exist or not.

(~b> Evidentialism: The belief that truth rests on facts alone. The problem with this view is that
evidence is never self-interpreting. For example, in John 12:28,29 the fact of the Father speaking
to the Son was interpreted by the bystanders as thunder (naturalistic world view) or an ange'.ic
voice (mystical world view). Evidence is always interpreted by a presupposed world view.
ii Stmiective truth tests:
i a Fideism: The belief that truth in religion rests solely on faith. This approach is inadequate
because faith is-belief whereas truth is the basis for faith. We need justification for a truth claim
.■why you believe what you believe) rather man just what you believe.
Example : The pilot of the Indian Airlines fight from Bombay to Ahmedabad sincerely believed
that the lights he had seen were those on the runway but actually they were the lights on a power
piant. This sincere belief resulted in a tragic air crash.
<~o Experientialism: The belief that al! truth is determined by experience. This approach is
inadequate because experience is the condition of a person where as truth is the characteristic of
a proposition. Experience may be a source of truth.-but what we are interested is the substance of
the truth.

■ c Consent of Nations: The belief that truth is found by corporate judgement (majority vote) alone.
The problem is that majority can be wrong. Some centuries ago, most of the people believed that
the earth was flat.
i d Pragmatism: The belief that one should not consider thinking or feeling truth but rather discover
it by attempting to live it. In other words what works is truth. This is inadequate because truth
may not necessarily work beneficially in a given life situation. It may be beneficial to the robber
to steal so long as he does not get caught!

iii • Combinationalism:
.1; can be proposed that two or more of these six inadequate tests be combined in order to arrive
at the truth but this would be like putting six leaky buckets together in the hope of holding water!
This approach is sometimes called "systematic consistency".

Combinationalism

Logical ConsistencyEmpirical adequacy
Experiential relevance

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3.

Adequate tests for Trut11:

Logical consistency removes error but does not tell us what is true, Empirical adequacy and
experiential relevance arc interpreted by one’s own world view which is in itself suspect. Thus
combinationalism has to be qualified by applying tests of unaffirmability and undeniability through
which its inherent inadequacies are corrected.

i~) Unaffirmability as a negative lest for truth:
(a) Direct unaffirmability: Example - Never use the word "never".
(b) Indirect unaffirmability: Example - One cannot know anything about reality - Agnosticism.
That which is unaffirmably self-defeating is false. Therefore, it follows that what is undeniable
is true.

ii) Undeniabilitv as a positive test for truth:
(a) Definitional undeniability: Example- A triangle must have 3 sides.
(b) Existential undeniability: Example - 1 actually exist.

The tests for truth after applying these corrections are summarised below and can be given the title
"Qualified systematic consistency".
It is (a) consistent, because it is based upon a rigid application of the laws of logic,
(b) systematic, because all the data of our experience arc considered and
(c) qualified, because its inherent inadequacies are corrected.

4. Summary
i Anchored

’

Consistent

1 ,■ Coherent
ij

Congruent

- Based on inescapable reasoning - RELIABILITY

- Avoids logical contradictions - VALIDITY
- Keeps a unity and rclaledness - unity

- Theories must fit the facts - compa TIBILITY

ij Comprehensive Considers a wide range of experience - universality

Explanatory - Explains observable reality - plausibility

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QUALIFIED SYSTEMATIC CONSISTENCY
TRUTH TEST OF WORLD VIEWS
NEGATIVE TEST

POSITIVE TEST

I
I

CRITICAL PHILOSOPHY

CONSTRUCTIVE PHILOSOPHY

UNAFFIRMABILITY
(CANNOT AFFIRM IT)

UNDENIABUJTY
(CANNOT DENY IT)

I

f-------------------------------- 1
INDIRECT
(A PROCESS)
1.

DIRECT
(A STATEMENT)

DEFINITIONAL
(TRIANGLES HAVE
THREE SIDES)

EXISTENTIAL
(I ACTUALLY
EXIST)

T

"THE PHILOSOPHY
OF UNCERTAINTY'
I
V
(UNJUSTIFIABLE)

"NEVER USE THE
WORD - NEVER"
T

(CONTRADICTION)

SYSTEMATIC CONSISTENCY

MATERIAL TRUTH TEST

FORMAL TRUTH TEST

ACTUALLY TRUE

FORMALLY TRUE

I

I

(DEFINITIONAL UNDENIABUJTY)

(EXISTENTIAL UNDENIABUJTY)
(COHERENT, CONGRUENT)

I

I

LAWS OF LOGIC

DATA OF HUMAN EXPERIENCE
(COMPREHENSIVE, EXPLANATORY)

I

I

ANALYTICAL STATEMENTS
(ANCHORED, CONSISTENT)

SYNTHETIC STATEMENTS

TRUTH

I

T

ORIGIN / CONDITION / SALVATION / DESTINY

I
KNOWLEDGE / REALITY / GOD I MORALITY / HUMANKIND
EPISTEMOLOGY / METAPHYSICS / THEOLOGY / AXIOLOGY / ANTHROPOLOGY
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Com | |

Challenge One: Listening more carefully and more
responsively - acknowledging the feelings and wants

that others are expressing - compassionately allowing
people to feel whatever they feel (which sets the
example for others to hear &. accept my feelings, also).

Challenge Two: Explaining my

conversational intent and inviting
consent by using conversational openers

such as, "Right now I would like to take a few
minutes and ask you about... [subject]." The more

important the conversation, the more important it is to

know & share the overall goal.

Challenge Three: Expressing myself more
clearly and more completely - giving my

iy..,,„,„r,
iciti h /i/hf

listeners the information they' need to

understand (mentally reconstruct) my
experiences. One good way is to use "the five I-

messages": what/how I observe, feel,
interpret/evaluate, want, and hope for.

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bad! no!

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Challenge Four: Translating

i

my criticisms and complaints

positive results of having my request granted -- doing

this for both my own complaints and the complaints that
others bring to me.

Challenge Five: Asking questions more

"open-endedly" and more creatively.
"How did you like that movie?" is an open-

ended question'that invites a wide range of

answers. "Did you like it?" suggests only "yes" or "no" as
answers and does not encourage discussion. (How do
you feel about this suggestion?)

Challenge Six: Thanking. Expressing more

appreciation, gratitude, encouragement and

delight. In a world full of problems, look for
n<d

opportunities to give praise. Both at home & at

work, it is the bond of appreciation that makes
relationships strong enough to allow for problem-solving.

Challenge Seven: Making the effort...
Making better communication an important

part of my everyday life...

by seeing each

conversation as an opportunity to grow in

skill, awareness and compassion and turning each
opponent into a learning and problem-solving partner.

PRACTICING LISTENING SKILLS
Listening is an art, a skill, a discipline, and like other skills, it needs self-control. You must understand what is
involved in listening and develop the necessary techniques to be silent and listen. You must ignore your own
needs and concentrate attention on the person speaking. Hearing becomes listening only when you pay attention
to what is said and follow it very closely.
YOU DEMONSTRATE THAT YOU ARE LISTENING BY:
* your body language
* echoing words
* making eye contact
* nods of your head
* keeping your body open
* leaning toward the speaker
YOU LISTEN TO:
* show your support and help the other person(s) relax
‘.show you are accepting them, and open to them
* enable each one to speak and be heard
* be able to ask questions to clarify
" check assumptions
* clear up misperceptions
* re-state or paraphrase
* find the key points or issues
* provide the silence necessary to encourage speech
* know when to bring to closure and when to test for agreements
YOU NEED TO SHOW YOU ARE LIS TENING CAREFULLY, 11 IIS IS CALLED "A I I ENDING." AI I ENDING
SKILLS BUILD RAPPORT AND HELP PERSONS FEEL AT EASE.
* Listen without interrupting.
* Pay attention.
* Use supportive body language.
* Paraphrase facts and feelings.
YOU ALSO NEED TO PRACTICE REACTING AND RESPONDING IN POSITIVE WAYS. USING GOOD
RESPONDING SKILLS HELP PERSONS UNDERSTAND THE THINGS YOU CARE ABOUT AND HELP YOU
COLLECT INFORMATION ABOUT THE SITUATION.
* Ask clarifying questions.
* Ask probing questions.
* Restate what the other person is saying catching the essence, but trying to take out (lie volatile phrases or
language. This is called "laundering" language and it can reduce friction.
* Summarize facts and feelings.
* Reframe issues, focus on the interests, not positions.
* Try to always use "I" language instead of "You”Tlot: "When you do that, you make me feel..." instead say,

"When you do that I feel..
‘ Try to communicate directly with the other person.
* Be forward thinking, try to focus on the future.
USE "BRAINSTORMING" TO FIND AS MANY OPTIONS OR SOLUTIONS AS POSSIBLE. THE GROUND
RULES TO BRAINSTORMING ARE THAT THE PERSONS IN THE MEETING ARE JUST THROWING OUT
IDEAS. AT THIS POINT IN TIME DO NOT ELIMINATE ANY IDEAS, THAT CAN BE DONE LATER. THE
OTHER GROUND RULE IS THAT JUST BECAUSE AN IDEA IS MENTIONED IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT
Li FHER PERSON IS AGREEING TO THAT IDEA. ITS JUST AN IDEA THROWN OUT FOR PURPOSES OF
THE BRAININGSTORMING SESSION. BRAINSTORMING HELPS THE PERSON TURN GOOD IDEAS INTO A
PLAN OF ACTION.

LOOK FOR POINTS OF AGREEMENT THAT THE PERSONS HAVE IN COMMON, AND
MENTION THEM.
PAYING ATTENTION AND LISTENING
WITHOUT INTERRUPTION
ALLOWS THE OTHER PERSON TO "LET OFF SOME STEAM." BEFORE ANY SERIOUS RESOLUTIONS CAN
OCCUR, YOU NEED TO LET THE OTHER PERSON KNOW THAT YOU UNDERSTAND WHERE THEY ARE
COMING FROM AND YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THEY FEEL STRONGLY ABOU THE ISSUES YOU ARE

DISCUSSING WITH THEM. THEIR INTENSE EMOTIONS MUST BE ACKNOWLEDGED AND AFFIRMED
BEFORE SERIOUS SOLUTIONS CAN BE DISCUSSED. YOU SHOULD ENCOURAGE THE OTHER PERSON
TO "LET OFF STEAM" AND EXPLAIN THEIR CONCERNS BY USING VERBAL CUES SUCH AS:
*"l soo.’
’ "I understand."
* "That's a good point."
* "I can see that you feel strongly about that."
* "I can understand how you could see it like that."
THESE NONVERBAL ACTIONS ALSO SHOW THE OTHER PERSON THAT YOU HEAR WHAT THEY ARE
SAYING:
* Squarely face the other person.
* Adopt an open posture.
* Lean discreetly toward the other person, not threateningly.
" Maintain eye contact, take cues from the other person as to how much eye

contact s/he is comfortable with.
* Try to relax as you interact with the other person.
■
OF COURSE, FOR THE OTHER PERSON TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE LISTENING, YOU MUST MAKE A
RESPONSE. THE EFFECTIVENESS OF YOUR LISTENING WILL BE DETERMINED BY THE STYLE AND
QUALITY OF YOUR RESPONSE.

Learning through Social Exposure
In views of identifying some ways and means to do some social ministry I
began to search for some one to guide me. On my way, at the right time,
my rector Fr. Joy OSC helped me out. I was then introduced to Mr. Tomy
(CHAKA). It was he who introduced me to Community Health Cell (CHC)
Bangalore, more particularly to DR. Ravi Narayanan of CHC. At the very
outset I thank all at CHC. I feel I am brought to the right place for social
exposure where I can see both the field level activities as well as
organizational activities. Thus the first point to remember for me is to be
equipped with the knowledge of various elements of social activities. 1
have been to CHC and CKAKA since three months. I am proud of mysel f
for being there and to be accepted by all. In fact my purpose of coming to
the field is to get to know the different dimensions of social ministry.
That’s being met at all levels in various forms.

Some of my experiences and learnings at the community based
development activities are gained in the following areas of my involvement:
i.
ii.
iii.
iv.
v.
vi.
vii.

The life-skill sessions at Deepahalli
Seeds of Hope: a personal study
Visit to Holy Cross Comprehensive Rural Health Project
Visit to Vivekananda Girijana Kalyana Mandira (VGKK, BR Hills)
Disaster Management Course, CHAI
Drivers Welfare Association, Sarati
Training at CHAI, Secondarabad

i.

The life-skill sessions at Deepahalli

A group of drop out boys learning various technical skills in the training
center at Deepahalli, Bangalore, are given the llife skill sessions. It is
proved to be very much needed for those boys in which they gain
knowledge as well as it is an aid to attitudinal changes. Through the life
skill sessions the boys are informed of the life processes and I see they are
motivated to do better and to give up some bad habits. Here the time spent
for life skill sessions really builds the life of the boys.

ii.

Seeds of Hope: a personal study

I have glanced through the health action series during my college days. But
1 never knew there are true and inspiring life stories of people who have
worked at community level for social development. One amazing thing in
my study of the people’s life and their projects in health action and Health
for the Millions is that they are great people with simple beginning, a
beginning to love the poor. All their activities/projects are a concern for the
poor and the marginalized at grass root level with people’s participation.
The risk they have taken is very much inspiring and challenging to me. I
pray they may inspire me and many more to live for community
development activities. Breaking through the set patterns of a particular
society/community and to effect progress which signifies change in the
living conditions is not an easy task but is a TASK before me/us.

iii.

Visit to Holy Cross Comprehensive Rural Health Project

It was an eye opening sight for me in my own state close to my hometown
to see dry plants at the roadsides that too in the month of July. I never
thought of it to be. Hanur, which is in Kolleegal Taluk is the place where
the Holy Cross Sisters are doing the Rural Health Project. Their life in that
place is an inspiration. They take the risk to enter any village not afraid of
anything that could take place. One late evening that I spent in one o f the
villages together with he sisters touches my memory. One element of
learning at this place is to see the effective way of coordination in which I
saw, some of the community members themselves are in charge of various
programs and activities. The community it entrusted with responsibilities
and they have a great trust in the community. This is where I feel there is a
great sustainability of our activity.
iv.

VGKK, BR Hills

A house of serenity at the top of BR hills. The formal school education
given to those tribal boys and girls of that area is a blessing. I do admire
Dr. Sudarshan and his companions who made those tribals that they are
somebody. The hospital, non-formal education, mobile clinic service
serves the most necessary needs of the people. The task I feel at this point
is that for us to find out a community where our help/support is most
needed. It is not that others do not need, but to seek the most unreached of
our fellow humans.

V.

Disaster Management Course, CHAI

There aroused a deep concern at the often-occurring disaster in our country.
The CHAI at National level organized a disaster preparedness for five days.
I had the opportunity to participate in it. The aim of it was to create an
awareness of having how to provide minimum standard of living as per the
need assessment at the occurrence of a disaster. It was a joint effort of
CHAI and Caritas India. I was blessed to interact with many CHAI office
bearers at National and Regional level.
vi.

Drivers Welfare Association, Sarathi

It’s a voluntary organization situated in Kerala. The objective of this
organization is to coordinate the taxi drivers in Kerala and to support them
in their activities and also to support their family and children. Speaking to
the staff members I could realize that this group is also working at the root
level for development and conscientization. They told me that they travel
place-to-place organizing and transmitting information and making the taxi
drivers as members of this particular association. Though I could not go in
person to the field with them I feel this activity is praise worthy in enabling
the taxi drivers.

Problem Management
A definition:
Problems are thinking choices which can adversely affect
happiness and/or performance unless prevented, managed or
solved.

Problem management analysis:
Grid

1. Am I checking problem solving grid?
2. Am I owning responsibility for the authorship of life?
3. Am I in touch with underlying feelings?
4. Am I using self-talk constructively?
5. Are personal rules and directives helpful or harmful?
6. Are perceptions regarding others and self-accurate?
7. Are attributions of cause accurate?
8. Are predictions realistic?
9. Am I clearly articulating goals and do they reflect self-values?
10. Am I using visualizing to best effect?

CASIE-.

A FIVE STEP PROBLEM SOLVING FRAMEWORK

CASIE is a flexible framework for the processes ofproblem
management.

C
A
S
I
E

Confront problem.
Assess and define problem.
Aet goals and plan.
Zmplement plan.
Evaluate the consequences of implementation.

2

Step I:

Confront the problem

• Orientation: refers to attitude to problem. Relevant
considerations are degree to which problems are regarded as
a normal part of life - best approach to problems trying to
cope - important to identify problems either before or as they
arise before they become full blown; and a ‘stop... think...
what are my choices?’ approach is better than impulsiveness.

o Ownership: in acknowledging problem. There are numerous
convenient reasons to deny or dilute problems significance.
Acknowledging means: admitting wrong to self; confronting
need to change and having to develop new and better skills. It
also involves assuming responsibility for how to think, feel
and act rather than choosing to perceive others as
responsible.
• Clearing a space: acknowledging means going beyond
awareness of problem existence to work on it. This involves
clearing a space - physical environment free from
distractions; psychological space - give problem time &
emotional energy it deserves.

Step II: Assess & define the problem
Consider the following statements of problems:
■
■
■
■
■
■
■

I am bored/shy/lonely/unhappy
I can’t control my anger
I get nervous during exams
I feel my parents dominate me
I suffer from high BP
I am good at postponing things
I am disorganized

3

All these statements are descriptive and don’t provide ‘handles’ on
how to work towards change. Make the distinction between
acquired (‘what others have done to me’) thinking skills
weaknesses and how thinking skills weaknesses are sustained
(‘what I do to myself).
Problem assessment entails detective work of searching for what
you do or fail to do that sustains the problem. The purpose of
assessment is to move from a descriptive statement to a working
definition of the problem specifying thinking and action skills
weaknesses sustaining the problem.

Describing Problems

After deciding to clear a space and focus on a problem, you then
need to develop a fuller understanding of the problem. Ask
questions that elicit specific information about the problem to
describe the problem. Next, explain how the problem is sustained.
Elaborate on the initial problem description by asking a series of
how questions:
D How would I like to be?
■ How long has the problem been going on?
D How severe/important is it?
■ How do I feel/act/think in relation to it?
■ How have I coped so far?
■ How is my behavior helping or harming me?

4

The answer comes by systematically focusing on thoughts and
actions. Three methods increase awareness of thoughts in relation
to a problem.
® Thought listing - list all thoughts and go on adding till
important thoughts in relation to problems are identified.

o ABC analysis - the ABC framework identifies thoughts,
feelings and actions relating to problems:
A activating event
B thoughts and visual images about A
C how you felt and acted in relation to A
Describe thoughts specifically.
e> Double column technique - method of monitoring thoughts
relating to problem for a specific period. Ex: ‘I can’t control
my anger’

Key Problem
I CAN’T CONTROL MY ANGER
DOUBLE COLUMN TECHNIQUE
MONTH
February LOG

DAY
Monday

DATE
18th.

TIME
8:00 am
12:00 pm

2:10 pm

6:15 pm
8:20 pm

WHAT HAPPENED

MY THOUGHTS

(anger trigger; behavior
during incident)

(before, during and
after a nger incident)

5

Problem sustenance:

The final product-explanation after generating & weighing
different options is a list of specific skills weaknesses sustaining
the problem.
The role ofself in explaining elements of the problem:

» Information databaseSeek & gather information about the self & the opinions of
others including how supportive others are likely to be in
order to fully describe the problem.
o Knowing what to look forThe problem prevention and solving checklist indicates
thinking skills weaknesses. Focus on searching for specific
action skills weaknesses- relationship & study skills
weaknesses (exam weaknesses).

o Generating expianationsBe creative generating alternative explanations of problem
sustenance in the knowledge that the first explanation is
frequently not the best option.
Creatively brainstorm for different options following the
brainstorming rules:
Criticism of ideas is ruled out.
Freewheeling is welcomed [unrestricted, uninhibited
dreaming up of ideas]
Quantity is wanted (the more ideas the better).

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Weighing explanationsDecide on explanations that accurately reflect (fit the facts)
the particular problem based on:
-Past history in relation to similar problems sensitizes the
search for
characteristic skills weaknesses.
-Anticipating predicted consequences of certain explanations
are more likely to
be successful than others.
-Certain explanations lead to changing thoughts and actions
in tune with abilities.

Stating working definitionsWorking definitions are made on the basis of currently
available information about problem sustenance &
identifying specific thinking & action skills weaknesses to
work on; using specific handles to guide change. Working
definitions are open to modification and updating in the light
of new information.
Example:
Angry Kumar is a middle-aged man with two teenaged
daughters. He had great difficulty in controlling his temper
and had recently struck one of his daughters. He is afraid
that inability to control anger will lead to the break-up of his
family.
A working definition statement of Kumaf’s anger problem
includes the following thinking skills weaknesses:
a) Inadequately acknowledging responsibility for thoughts,
feelings and actions.
b) Not using coping self-talk when faced with provocations.
c) Having rigid and unrealistic personal rules concerning
standards of behavior in the family.
d) Misperceiving and insufficiently acknowledging the
connection between how he behaves towards his family

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and how they behave towards him. Kumar’s Action skills
weaknesses are:
Listening skills
Assertion skills
Conflict communication skills
NB: Working definition statement includes atleast two
thinking skills weaknesses & one action skills weaknesses.

STEP 3:

Set goals and plan

Making a goal statement requires specification of four
characteristicsi. Reflecting values
ii. Be realistic
iii. Be specific
iv. In a given timeframe

Step 3 focuses on the question— how can I best manage the
problem?
Setting working goals.
Goals are stated broadly. Ex: Kumar says, “I want to become
less angry”
Descriptive goal statements provide overall vision. Working
goals are specified statements targeting change. Working
goals statements are the reverse or “flip side” of working
definition statements.

An example of changing Kumar’s working definition
statement into working goal statement by focusing on
thinking skills strengths:
a) Adequately acknowledging responsibility for thoughts,
feelings and actions.
b) Using coping self-talk when faced with provocations.

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c) Having realistic personal rules concerning standards of
family behavior.
d) Realistically perceiving how his behavior affects his
family’s behavior towards him.

Kumar needs to acquire the following action skills strengths in the
areaslistening skills,
assertion skills,
conflict communication skills.

Kumar has to start immediately to make significant progress in
attaining anger goals in a time frame of one month as he fears
divorce & family breakup.
Kumar needs to spell out his working goals further. Ex: ‘what kind
of coping self-talk to use in which anger evoking situation?’ There
is sufficient information in the initial working goal statement to
give a sense of direction; the details can be filled in later.
® Developing a plan

Six characteristics relevant to a problem solving plan© State goals and sub-goals clearly. Ex: Kumar’s main goal is
to become less angry. Each of his working goals are sub
goals.
• Break tasks down. Ex: break coping self-talk down into
coping self-instructions and calming self-instructions.
• Generate, consider & develop multiple alternative options for
attaining thinking & action working goals.
• Anticipate, acknowledge & plan coping strategies for
difficulties and setbacks in implementation.
• Identify support sources carefully for better management of
difficult problems. Ex: Sometimes a problem shared is a
problem magnified & not a problem solved- a person
suffering from AIDS faces all sorts of unwanted reactions if

9

the diagnosis is disclosed indiscriminately. Write action
plan out—an important problem merits the time and
attention for a written plan which- i. clarifies focus ii.
strengthens commitment. A written plan which avoids the
twin dangers of insufficient & excess detail is easy to
understand & follow.
® Homework, rehearsal and practice produces a better
understanding of thinking skills weaknesses. Using
visualized rehearsal; rehearse thinking and action
components required for successfully performing a particular
task. Practice on easier problems first.
A firm & flexible plan provides self-discipline to take appropriate
implementation steps & openness to realistic feedback.

STEP 4:

Elements of plan implementation

n Pay attention to timing
D Work through doubts about plan aspects
D No excuses
D Openness to feedback
■ Use positive self-reward
■ Work through guilt of not sticking to plan format.
Learning is the difficult process of persistently altering &
permanently changing established thinking & behavioral habits &
takes place in fits and starts. Learning success does wonders for
commitment.

STEP 5
Evaluate implementation consequences by clearly stating working
goals based on monitoring and evaluating change protocols in
terms of thinking & action by asking:

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i.
ii.

iii.

How well am I using my thinking and action skills?
What are the consequences for myself and others of
changes in thinking and action skills?
Do I need to modify my plan in the light of feedback and
new information?

Example: angry Kumar after having thought through the
consequences of his changed thinking and actions was encouraged
to persist.
The consequence of being more rational and less aggressive in
approaching family problems was the loss of some power which he
did not like. However evaluation of the gains and losses from
changed thinking and acting brought the realization that:
i.
Rashmi, the daughter he had struck, was now more
understanding and supportive of him
ii.
Both daughters were behaving more considerately at
home
iii. His daughters’ friends were more friendly
iv. The family bonds had definitely been strengthened
v.
Family break-up had been averted.
This confirmed to Kumar the value of continuing to make different
and better choices in his family’s life.

Scenario:
Exam Anxiety
Anuradha age 18 was at the end of the first year at University.
Throughout the year she had been very anxious each time she was
required to take a test. Her marks were near the top of her class,
but she still didn’t think that it was good enough. Anuradha had
very little social life. She worked very hard all the time to prove
she was worthy of her parents’ sacrifices in supporting her at
university. As the year progressed her concentration seem poorer
during revision. She became increasingly tense during tests; ex- at

11

the start of an exam paper her hand shook so much that she had to
struggle to hold on to the pen; her mouth went dry; her stomach
felt knotted; her mind felt empty and she was afraid she would
faint.
How would you proceed with problem management?

General InformationIt is normal to experience some anxiety taking an exam. A certain
amount of anxiety tones up and facilitates performance. Too much
anxiety is debilitating in terms of discomfort and performance.
The grid provides ‘handles’ for Anuradha to work on exam
anxiety.
1. Are you working the grid?

2. Are you owning responsibility for the authorship of life?
Anuradha is not aware of herself as a chooser. She does not
realize that she is making thinking choices which influence
how she feels. She has the illusion of assuming responsibility
for life authorship but does not possess the knowledge and
skill to do so effectively.

3. Are you in touch with underlying feelings?
Anuradha is out of touch with her valuing process. She is not
listening to her recreation and social companionship needs.
She treats herself like a machine and if this continues, risks
converting burnout feelings into full blown breakdown.

4. Are you using self-talk constructively?
Anuradha is not using calming and coaching elements of
coping self-talk to help her. Coping self talk will help her
revise more efficiently - she needs to replace ‘you’ messages
like ‘you fool’ with coping ‘I’ messages. Ex: Instead of ‘you
fool’ self-statements can be changed to ‘I can handle this
exam anxiety. My anxiety is a signal to use coping skills; all I

12

have to do is to cope.’ If coping skills made a situation better,
acknowledge: ‘I used my coping skills and they worked.’
Calming self-talk, ex: ‘slow down, relax, take it easy’
Coaching self-talk, ex: ‘focus on talking yourself through the
processes of the steps involved in doing the exam without
experiencing anxiety. Concentrate on the task and discipline
yourself not to think extraneous thoughts.’

5. Are personal rules and directives helpful?
Anuradha is making mustabatory demands on herself. Her
personal rules are ‘I must do extremely well everytime I take
a test and I must always obtain parental approval. She is
engaging in unnecessary self-rating: ‘if I don’t do well I am
worthless.’ She is catastrophising: ‘if I don’t do well this is
an awful disaster I will be unable to handle.’ Anuradha also
haspressuriser directives: ‘Achieve at all costs, be in control
and hurry up.’ She also has inhibitor directives: ‘don’t enjoy
yourself and don’t take risks.’

6. Are perceptions accurate regarding self and others?
Anuradha needs to be realistic of her academic ability. She
may be trying to achieve standards which may be too high for
her without making huge sacrifices. She may be an extremely
able student whose anxieties and negative self-labeling
interfere with her achievement. Logical analysis of evidence
regarding academic strengths and weaknesses helps in
perceiving herself more accurately. Additionally she needs to
test out her perceptions of her parents- They may be proud of
her in her own right and not want her to feel constant
pressure to achieve for their sakes.
7. Are attributions of cause accurate?
Anuradha may be overworking because of inaccurate
attributions about why she may not do well - ‘she regards
failure as due to lack of effort.’ She needs to review ‘better

13

fit’ explanations for not performing as well as she would like
- insufficient ability, high anxiety, task difficulty, bad luck,
boring subject, poor teaching, emotional staleness, poor
revision skills & poor exam skills. Anuradha is undermining
her confidence by seeing the causes of poor performance as
internal and stable and the causes of good performance as
external and transient. She needs to review carefully her
explanations of the causes.
8. Are predictions realistic?
Anuradha is making unrealistic predictions - she is so afraid
of doing badly that this contributes to her prediction that she
will not do well heightening anxiety further. Acknowledging
and assessing the evidence will alter the prediction. Also, she
may predict she cannot cope in not doing well. A realistic
assessment might indicate otherwise.

9. Are goals clearly articulated and reflecting values?
Clearly Anuradha’s goal is to manage exam anxiety better
and this has to be clearly articulated - she may have
unrealistic goals about how well she expects to do and needs
to articulate specific and realistic self-goals. Also her life is
unbalanced - she needs to articulate social and recreational
goals. Possibly, as deep exploration takes place, Anuradha
may find that current behavior reflects others’ values rather
than self values.
10.
Are you visualizing to best effect?
No - Anuradha imagines herself as behaving incompetently
at exam times and unable to cope with bad results. Anuradha
must visualize to clarify goals and get in touch with
strengths. She must use visualized rehearsal and practice
including coping self talk to prepare for exams. She must
engage in goal directed visualizing - picturing herself calmly
and competently taking exams.

14

This is an illustrative rather than exhaustive analysis of how
Anuradha’s thinking skills weaknesses contribute to sustaining
exam anxiety problems. Anuradha must look at specific action
skills like planning, revision time and allocation of time in tests
before arriving at a frill working problem definition.
Confronting, assessing and defining the problem lays the solid
foundation to work towards change.

C e f

v<

')

•)

MAKING DECISION STEP BY STEP
Advantages and disadvantages of making
decision by
a. Impulse

b. Procrastinating or putting off
c. Not deciding
d. Letting others make decision
e. Evaluation all choices and then deciding

Steps in decision making

f. Name the choices and alternatives involved in
your decision

g. Gather information about the decision (considering
values and goals list what facts you need to know)
h. List the advantages and disadvantages of each
choice

i. Make your decision and list your reasons for this.

LIFE Skill 2
DECISION MAKING

Life is just one decision after another. Each decision defines your existence, every 'yes' involves 'no'.
Decisions involve various degrees of conflict and anxiety, sometimes the correct way to act is unclear and
you fear the consequences of making the wrong decisions. You may under stress at the time of decision

making, eg: Divorce
Decisions involve committment. Committment means being prepared to carry thru' your decision, taking

realistic feedback into account
Decision Making Style
It is the way you approach and make decisions. It is the pattern of your information processing and deciding
bahaviour. Style is not rigid as different decisions are made in different ways. You may have a profile of
different decision making styles rather than a single stongly predominanat style. Your style may alter in
making decisions in conjunction in others.

Individual Decision Making Styles

There are 7 characterisitic overlapping styles.

1.

Rational: You dispassionately and logically appraise all pertinent important information & select the best

options in the light of your objectives

2.

Feelings based' The choice is what intuitively feels right based on getting in touch with what you truly

feel, your subjective preferences and your inner valuing process. You generate and appraise different

options bu t the final choice critierion is how you feel rather that what you think.

3. Hyper vigilante: You try too hard and become anxious and aroused by the conflict and stress involved
such that decision making efficiency decreases. You get bogged down in detail, lose perspective and fail to
see "the wood from the trees".
4.

Avoidant: You cope with decisions by not acknowledging, hoping they go away or engage in delaying

tactics like..procrastination eg: Alcohol related problems. You defensively avoid pertinent information. Your
objective is to maintian short term psychological comfort whatever the long term costs.
5. Impulsive: Decisions are made rapidly based on sudden impluses. You act on initial or early feelings
rather than exploring, evaluating and getting in touch wtih your deeper feelings and options.
6. Compliant: You conform to what others expect of you and depend on them for signs to decision make.
You are passive and allow decisions to be influenced or made by others rather than actively decision make I
yourself.

7. Ethical: The basis is the code of ethics. Ex: If you are a devout catholic decisions are made with
reference to catholic teachings and papal infallibility. If not religious decisions are made on moral principles
of right and wrong lor the "good" of humanity and reflecting social as well as self-interest.
Joint Decision Making Stylos

:

|

Much of the individual decision making styles format applies. Further conflict is experienced by different
styles, wishes and needs.

In a potential 'conflict of interest' situation, sthe decision is confronted by 3 main decision making styles:

1. Competitive: Resources are scarce so there has to be a winner and loser. The approach is "I win; You
lose" and you do all in your power to get your way. The risks are that the best solution may not manifest
and in your partner feels violated.
2. Compliant: You are unassertive and go along with or given. The approach is self-deceiving "I lose; you
win". The risks are not finding the best solution and you feeling violated.
3. Collaborative: Both search for a solution that best meets both your needs. You work togetther for an " I :
win you win solution" freely entered into by both. Neither attempts to impose wishes on the other and
acknowledges and states individual wishes. There is sincere commitment for the welfare of each other.
Exercise:
1. Find you decision making style?
2. Assess the extent to which you and your partner's current joint decision style supports or oppresses your
relationship?

RATIONAL DECISION MAKING
Two main stages:

jStag'e 1; Confronting 'and making decision '
Step 1: confront the decision
Step 2: generate options and gather information about them
Step 3. assess the predicted consequences of options
Step 4: commit yourself to a decision

^tage 2:’lmplementidn and evaluating the decision,7
Step 5: plan how to implement the decision
Step 6: implement the decision.
Step 7: assess the actual consequences of implementation.

The steps overlap and you may have to backtrack to & fro to make decisions effectively.

^Step-lr.Coilfrofitthe'decision;* Be open to external information: Many decisions are stimulated by your environment. Ex: You see an
interesting job advertised and have to decide whether or not to apply.
* Be open to internatl information:
the decision making stimulus is proactive rather than reactive. Be
attuned to you changing wants, wishes and needs. Ex:' more rewarding leisure life'.
Inner changes stimulate you to make decisions about how to attain what you want.
* Clarity of focus: clearly identify and state decisions. Ex: Ram is very unhappy in his job.
Go beyond vague statements of feelings Io a specific statement about the decision faced, the decision is

Io filthoi nlny hi mid Improve oi Io seek n heller job.
^tep 2: Generate optlops and gather information about them.

Generate options
As decisions are not black and while choices you need to creatively generate and consider different options

which may contain effective ones.
It is helpful to brainstorm; "Idea findings" In groups.
You can apply some brainstorming rules on your own. The rules are:
1. Criticism of idea is ruled out
2. Freewheeling is welcome
3. Quantity is wanted.

;

Brain-storming is likely Io generate effective Ideas rather than an allempt to produce only good

quality options..

Gathering information
Good decisions depend on good information. Further options emerge from information gathering. Rational
decision makers aim to gather as much information as they need to make a succesful decision requiring a
discipline approach to finding out and surveying information sources and also knowing when Io slop

Exercise
Decision make in relation to a current life situation and see if you think and feel differently about the
decision -result.
Step 3: Assess predicted option consequences.
Options are the basis of choosing the best course of action.
Choices are guided by probability and utility.
Probability is the estimation of the possibility of different options achieving desired outcomes. Utility is your
subjective estimation of the value of various outcomes.

The balance sheet procedure is advocated for assessing the consequences of decisions. You need as
many balance sheets as there are serious options. The balance sheet helps list possible option
consequences. You need to weigh the consequences. Consequences include :
1. Consistency with goals and values
2. Amount of time and effort
3. Amount of tangible reward
4. Emotional cost or gain
5. Approval or disapproval from others

6.

Physical well-being.

Ex: 'Ram, ammaried man considering whether to accept promotion that means moving to the other end of
the country, takes into account his family’s thoughts and feelings about the disruption this would entali.
Shilpa, a separated woman seeking divorce, takes into account the potential impact of this on her children1.

The best way to assess you decision consequences on others is to let them speak for themselves rather
than reading their minds.
The more eerors of omission and commission in the balance sheet at the time of commiting to a new
course of action, the greater is the vulnerability to negative feed-back at decision implementation.

A Balance Sheet for assessing the consequences of a Decision Option:

Exercise:
Do you see decisions differently on the basis of the balance sheet procedure, has it helped you to take a
more rational approach to decision making.

Step 4: Commit yourself to a decision

Making major decisions confronts you with your existential isolation. Ultimately nobody else can make
decisions for you. if the decision is finely balanced we may have regrets about renounced possibilities as
well as doubts about the chosen course of action.
Strengthen your resolve
1. Ensure decision is in line with your key values.
2. Be thorough in generating, gathering information about and assessing options.
3. State goal or goals clearly and list specific rewards and payoffs for you and others.
The balance sheet for your preferred option should provide all this information.
4. Carefully plan how best to implement decision, including handling set-backs and negative reactions from
others.
5. Adopt flexible attitude and adjust decision and implementation based on feed-back

Being flexible means you roafflcnn original decisions bul adopt dltloienl Incllcs based on conllniilng
feed-backs to carry it out If evidence warrants you may modify or even totally reject original decisions. For
eg: You are inagurating a soft-ware company with heavy out-sourcing to the US and sept. 11 occurs.
6. Acknowledge and keep in mind the rewards of you decision as they occur.

Your decisional balance sheet canbe completed during implementation of as well as before
your decision. You gain more perspective as you experience the efforts and frustrations of
implementation

Step 5: Plan decision Implementation.
Plans are outlines how to proceed. Planning Is part of the decision making process as well as final decision

implementation process. Once the decsion is arrived at eg: stopping smoking plan how best to act.
1. State goals and sub-goals clearly. Goals statements should be realistic, specific reflect you values and
in a given time frame. Sub-goals are the steps taken to obtain your overall goal. Ex: You decide to buy
a house and start a family. The stipulated sub-goal is to save a defined sum of money within a year for

the house deposit.
2.

Break tasks down. You dont have to break all task down at once. Ex: Sita decides to divorce Rama.
She breaks decision down into different parts, a. How to relate to Rama, how to handle divorce, how to
tell children, how to handle her own feelings.

3.

Generate and consider alternative courses of action. Ask "how can I best achieve this subgoal?". Use
brainstorming skills for generating and evaluating helpful options, goals and subgoals.

4.

Anticipate difficulties and setbacks. Take them into account.

1

Ex: Govind wants to stop working and live in an ashram to develop his innerself for a year.
His wife
and family are bound to be unhappy. He plans in advance how he can break the
new in an assertive,
yet caring way.

5. Identify support souces.difficult decisions can be adhered to in the context of an adequate support
system. Ex: Keshav realises he is more likely to stay with his decision to stop drinking if he is part of a
support group rather than break the habit on his own. Consequently he joins an online counselling group.

He thinks it will help him establish relationships with wife and family as well his friends who dont encourage

drinking.

Wiltu you pl,in uni
Complex plans ulu busl willluii out. uiinnillhig Io Impluinuiiliilloii Is ousloi II Iho slops mo dually sol out a
wiittun plan acts as a loinlndor In an easily visible place. Doni got lost in Iho dolalls willing out Iho plan.
Outline or map how to get from A to B but dont fill in every tree and building on the way write it out

structured clearly and built around attaining central goal and related sub-goals.

Step 6: Implement the decision. .
implementing may be a straight forward in that you are clear on both decision and how to proceed.
Considerations in decision implementing are:
1. Timing: try to choose the best time after you have worked out how to proceed and feel reasonably
confident of doing so. Timing may be influenced by others' needs. Ex: If you are a parent you may not wish
to transfer when your child is in 12th Std.

2. Post- decisional conflicts.
Decision implementation generates conflicing feelings. You are sad at some of the trade-offs and
compromises being made to get what you want. You still feel you need confidence to implement your

decision. You have realistic reservations about the wisdom of your original decision and wish to reconsider.
You become highly anxious at having to act and engage in avoidance behaviour. Conflict is usually intense
as you start to implement and becomes less so as you carry on adn gain confidence in the wisdom of your
decision, if you experience persistent conflict implementing, you may choose to reconsider you decision.

3 No excuses.
The phrase indicates the importance of assuming responsibility for decision
implementation. Whe you face set-backs ask "stop
think...what do i need to do to handle the situation?"
or "how is my behaviour helping me?" rather than indulge in an orgy of excuse making.

4. Openness to feed-back. As you implement you get feed-back from yourself, others and your
environment. You need senstivity and good judgement to sort out helpful from harmful feedback. Be
flexible in the light of realistic assessment of feed-back. Be strong yet flexible.

5. Use of positive self-reward. Decision implementation is rewarding in its own right. Use rewards to
sliuiiglliun yom motivation lliiu' positive sulf talk Ex: "Dials groat, well done".
Make a contract with yourself with a clear connection between specific achievments and self-administered
rewards.
a)
b)

Buy yourself some nice clothes.
No watching TV on Sundays for 3 Sundays till a particular job is done.

6. Handling guilt. We can handle guilt feeling in ways that weaken or strengthen your resolve. Engaging in
self disparagement lower self-esteem such that your self-talk becomes negative.
"I am worthless, anyway so why bother?" or "I made a mess of it once, so its obvious I may not going to
suceed".
A more rational approach is to try and understand why you did not live up to your decision and make plans
to stop this happening again. Tell yourself set-backs are part and parcel of difficult decision implementation
and giving up bad habits. Have the courage to persist and dont think yourself into giving up.

^P.:?lAliai!ac[ua|jntplam^taDppcgnieqyencai/

Dont stay stuck with decisions and plans that dont work for you. Decide to review your original decision
and restart from Step 1 of the 7 step model. Rational decision making involves accurate feed-back
perception and willingness to act on it. Efficient information processing helps make and assess decisions

IMPROVING DECISION MAKING QUALITY
Increase the probablity of making decisions that work for rather against you.
Increase the self-supporting and decrease self-oppressing elements of your decision making.
A decision making check-list:
i

When making a decision you may help yourself by asking the following questions:
1. Am I engaging in the steps of rational decision-making?
2. Am I owning responsibility for the authorship of my life?
3. Am I in touch with my underlying feelings?
4. Am I using self-talk constructively?
5. Are my personal rules and directives helping rather than harming me?
6. Are my perceptions accurate regarding myself and others?
7.

Are my attributions of cause accurate?

8.
9.

Are my predictions realistic?
Am I articulating my goals clearly and do they reflect my values?

10.

Am I using visualizing to best effect?

1.Am I engaging in the steps of rational decision making.?
Go through again the rational decision making steps already discussed.

2. Am I owning responsibility for the authorship of my life?
’ There are many ways you fail to own responsibility for life-authorship.
* You are not fully aware of your capacity to make your life thru your choices.
* You lack full existential awarenes. ( You have not adequately grasped the transitory nature
of your life)
* You expect others to be responsible for what happens to you.
‘ You bling ongoing axieties into your decision making and when the slakes are high, the
Iho decision is complox, Ihoio is value conflict and no clear "best option'1 you handle
decision anxiety using inappropriate avoidance impulsive and hyper-vigilante styles.
* You have become used to depending on others (parents for advise on how to act).
* You are hyper-sensitive to peer group rules and afraid to lose their esteem.
* You obey authority figures and cede responsibility to them, thereby gaining external
approval at the expense of losing integrity.
Ask courageously ” am I too passive in my life approach and wait for things to happen?; do i take the easy
way out vy avoiding decisions?; do I get so anxious I am afraid to make up my mind?, do I lack the courage
of my convictions and become too dependent on others for my decisions.

Am I in touch with my underlying feelings?
Decisions define and create you. Good decisions require reasoning-skills, gettting in touch
underlying feelings and getting more deeply centred in listening to your own valuing process.

3.

Ways Io get in touch with your feelings?

with your

Take more time:
Before making important decision sleep on it. A good night's sleep puts matter into perspective, lessens the
risk of hasty decision making and allows decision making when refreshed given some more time, you may

find youisoif confident enough Io make a previously difficult decision

Gather external information:
Relates to decision making readiness. Making decision is a process As you collect more information you
are able to understand what you really want. Attention to process reduces a decision with which you are
comfortable.
Inner listening:
A vital source of information from within, develop inner-focusing and listening -to-feehngs skills. Allow time
for creative contemplation. Focus on inner listening when a decision bothers you. Inner listening skills are :
Physically and psychologically clearing a space; spending 'quiet time1 periods, after relaxing yourself- with
your eyes shut dont analyse or think through the decision but experience your flow of feelings in relation to
it. See if you feel differently about the decision after the quiet time period

Assert Yourself:
Assert yourself because outer noise (other people with/without vested interest in your decsion outcomes
may be ready to offer advice rather than to help you with your decisions) is so great it blocks your inner
listening.

Anxiety management skills:
Anxiety is a devastating anaesthetic for feelings. Coping self-talk and realistic personal rules lower
debilitating anxiety and pul you in touch with you wants, wishes and feelings
Am I using self-talk constructively?
Some self-talk ways:
a)' I 'self-talk.
It is constructive! self-supporting to say to yourself "I cant make up my mind" rather than "you fool why cant
you make up you own mind?”
b) Calming self-talk.
Say to yourself " keep calm, relax, I can cope" when you experience anxiety over decision making.
c) Coaching self-talk.
Consciously instruct yourself through the steps of the rational decision making process. Ex; "Am I
adeqautely confronting the decision?" How do I go about this?" "What do i predict are the option
consequences and what are the criterea for assessing them?" "what is the best option and am I prepared to
commit implementing?"
d) Self-talk dialogue.
Conduct a dialogue with yourself. Part of you in favour of the decision ofan option holds a dialogue with
part of you that is against it. Weigh pros & cons like this prior to the decision. Given privacy you can self
talk dialogue with yourself aloud.
4.

5.

Are my personal rules and directives helping rather than harming me?
Se/f-oppressing mustabatory personal rules come in the way of content and process of decision making.
"I must always make the right decision". "I must always make decisons quickly and easily" "I must always
get what I want"." I mut be liked by everyone" "I must get into the most prestigious job" "I must make more
money than my friends"

Mustabatory related "pressurizer and inhibitive" directives rules in pair decision making.

Pressurizer directives "hurry up”" be in control".
Inhibitor directive "dont think; dont feel ;don't take risk"

Become aware, dispute and reformulate self-opposing rules into self-supporting language.
Become aware, understand origins, dispute and grant yourself permission to think and act differently about

pressurizer and inhibitive directives
Struggle hard to combat self-defeating "voices in the head", internalised from others with your own rational
rules and directives.

6.

Are my perceptions accurate regarding myself and others?
Check whether you are making the distinction between facts and inferences. Where facts are

limited

make your inferences as realistic as possible.
"self-perceptions. Evaluate yourself realistically. Dont attach false or negative labels for yourself.
Focusing on your weaknesses and unnecessarily putting yourself down cause you to be over-anxious and
miss good opportunities. Being defensive and not acknowledging realistic weaknesses distance you from

having a sound information base for your decisions

'Perceptions of others: Decisions require you to perceive others accurately. Focusing on other people's
weaknesses rather than strengths finds you making decisions to end relation- ship's and jobs when it might

have been in your interest to stay in with them. Thinking- perceptual errors contribute to perceiving others
unrealistically. Ex: Black & white thinking-.S/He either all for me or all against me.
Ex: Overgeneralising- because h/she ignored me once s/he will always do so. Good decisions require
good information, the more you misperceive, the poorer your
your information & greater the cahnces of
poor decision making. The first perception
is not necessarily the best perception Take time and trouble
to check out the accuracy of your perceptions of yourself and others. These are important building blocks
for your decisions.

7. Are my attributions of cause accurate?
Below is an example of making a decision based on attribution: "Shiva aged 21 has decided not to do post
graduate studies. His marks this year at college has not been as good expected-wanted . He attributes this
to lack of ability.
Shiva is making an all important decision on the basis of his explanation of the situation
in which he finds himself. His explanations may or maynot be accurate. In making important decisions ,
consider carefully the explanations you give to yourself for what is happending to you. Separate facts from
inferences and logically analyse the factual underpinning of any causal inferences you may make.
Are my predictions realistic?
* Collect information to increase the probablity of realistic prediction
* Have a realistic general decision making style rather than a optimistic or pessimistic one.
* Dont rush into decisions based on rosy expectaions and live to regret them.
‘ Dont fail to create and take good opportunities by being too pessimistic.
‘ Dont jump to conclusions based on erroneous and simplistic information. Poor decisions are founded on
faulty predictive reasoning.
Example: I could never work under a woman
I cant stand the sight of blood and can never become a doctor.
A woman like me will never be able to compete in a man's world.
8.

Discipline your thinking to sort out facts from inferences in making predictions. You may have some basis
for some of your perceptions. However the conclusions drawn may be inaccurate.

Ex: You may have realistic evidence which is much harder for a woman than a man to suceed careerwise,
but it is probably leap of logic to say that you will never be able to compete Think of 'Sushma Swaraj &

Indira Gandhi'. Like them you also have strengths you dont fully acknowledge.

9.

Am I articulating my goals cloarly and do they rofloct my values?
During the decision making process goals may not be altogether clear. Part of the decision making
process entails making decisions about what goals you choose as well as how to go about obtaining them.
Ideally your goals reflect your values. Occasiionally values conflict making it harder to articulate your goals.
Ex: You have materialistic values at the same time as wanting to help others in your work. You need to
spend time clarifying your goals and values before making a more specific decision in this instance the
trade-offs and compromises involved in articulating your goals are more likely to help rather than harm if
you approach your values-decisions in a rational way taking into account deeper feelings and ethical
commitments.
10. Am I using visualising to best effect?
Use visualising to clarify goals, review options, deploy positive imagery and applying worst 'possibility
scenarios'.

* Clarify your goals.

Have a vision of what you want Io make of your life. Daydreams are one excnllnnl source. Visualised
goals in the process of articulating goals to give you a feel of what It is like to attain yout goal. As you
visualise you may choose to modify your goals.
* Review options
As you review and weigh decision options, mentally picture implanting the main options and experiencing
their consequences. Ex1 Visualise a day In the life of a different career. Practise doing it systematically, Use
of positive imagery concerning your strengths and coping capacities makes your decison making more
confident. Ex: If you are afraid of the consequence of accepting a promotion visualising yourself coping the
more difficult job assists you in deciding to accept rather than rejecting the promotion. Consider the worst
possiblity if you are avoiding making a decision, visualise the 'worst case scenario' of carrying out one or
more options. Visualise how you will cope with the difficulties and what support you will get from whom,

where and when.

Visualising yourself coping in adversity helps overcome blocks both to making and

implementing the decision.

Self-Awareness
Self- awareness is a remarkably difficult concept to define.
The Websters third new international dictionary, 1981
provides a working definition.
Self-awareness is an awareness of one’s own personality or
individuality.

Self awareness helps us to:• delineate our ego boundaries.
• self monitor.
• Notice when we are being stretched beyond our
limits.
• Notice physical and Psychological changes.

It helps you to realize that
1. I love myself because I'm special.
2. It's OK to have different feelings.
3. I take care of my body because it's the most valuable
thing I'll ever own.
4. I'll strive to take care of my body.

Self-Awareness Management

(a) Delineate our eeo boundaries.
The ego boundary is our psychological line of concept(LOC).
The LOC is the place where “1” ends and “you” begin. The
LOC demarcates which problems belong to us as opposed to
the problems of others. The LOC mediates optimum
psychological distance in relation to others; neither so close
that we are over involved nor so far detached that we are
unable to appreciate the problems of others.

(b)self monitor
As we begin io notice our actions and reactions, we are better able to
choose certain lines of action rather than feel acted upon. We initiate
action. We begin to take responsibility for what we do.

© Notice
When we are being stretched beyond our limits. Without self awareness we
fail to notice and are “blind” to our ow n actions..

(b) Notice
Physical and psychological changes; If we are not particularly self aware,
we lose touch by failing to “connect” with our physical (we don’t notice
what is happening to our bodies or our physical fitness)and psychological
states(we don’t notice our changing moods). We tend to be more aware of
some areas of our self-awareness as compared to other areas. Selfawareness is heightened by discovery and confirmation through self observation, observation by others and in interactive observational
situations-

H e can increase the depth and range of our self-awareness through
practiciug(with a view to action) the self-awareness strategies
mentioned below.

8 TALK/write
• SUPPORT/groups
• Counselling
• I Incover, challenge and replace IRRATIONAL BMJFFS
8 CLARIFY values develop other assertive qualities and skills.

Sara
Paddison,
The
Hidden
Power
of
the
Heart
As you sincerely go for deeper levels of love, the results you'll have in
well-being and increased quality of life will motivate you, leading you to a
wider dimensional awareness. The results are so rewarding you can easily
develop a passion for self-management.

Robin Williams, comedian once said- you are given one streak
of madness, do not lose it.

Anonymous
Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, for they shall
never cease to be amused.

lore
uid

lore
able

Media: RF_COM_H_77_SUDHA.pdf

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